- Jay Pritchett: Gloria's about to take her citizenship test. This little jumping bean is about to become an American.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: Jumping beans are Mexican.
- Jay Pritchett: Once you're an American you won't see the difference.
- Sanjay: What do you mean, co-valedictorians?
- Alex Dunphy: 'Co' is the Latin prefix for 'together'. But really, what do you mean, co-valedictorians?
- Principal Brown: Well, I thought there might be some aggressive questions that, uh, made me nervous, so I wrote down my remarks.
- [Pulls out paper]
- Principal Brown: Uh... 'No, I'm not trying to ruin your lives. It's just that your GPAs are tied to the thousandth of a decimal point'.
- Sanjay, Alex Dunphy: But my GPA's 4.645923!
- Sanjay: She got an A- on the French final!
- Alex Dunphy: He got an A- on an English paper!
- [Both realize]
- Alex Dunphy: Oh. No. This is a nightmare.
- Sanjay: Worst day of my life.
- Phil Dunphy: Guys, we should be celebrating. This is literally a win-win!
- Alex Dunphy: I didn't work my whole life for a tie!
- Javier Delgado: Manny told me about your plans to abandon your Colombian roots.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: Really? *You're* going to lecture me on abandonment? You left to buy some diapers, and I saw you four years later.
- Javier Delgado: If only you could let that go as easily as your homeland!