- Jay Pritchett: [Watching the family argue in the driveway] This family needs a leader, and I can't do it forever. You can handle it.
- Alex Dunphy: Do I have to?
- Jay Pritchett: [Puts the paper crown Lily made him on Alex's head] Heavy hangs the head.
- Mitchell Pritchett: Remember how wild *we* were?
- Claire Dunphy: [Chuckling] Ohh! Were we ever!
- Mitchell Pritchett: [Both laugh and awkwardly pause] *Were* we ever?
- Claire Dunphy: Not really, no. You had your summer of the red afro, and I dated the whitest Puerto Rican on Earth.
- Mitchell Pritchett: Oh, Wayne. Yeah. Yeah.
- Luke Dunphy: Funny... I always thought I'd be found dead in a bird suit at the bottom of the Grand Canyon.
- Manny Delgado: You still will, buddy. You still will.
- Jay Pritchett: Little early for tequila, isn't it?
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: It's for Luke.
- Jay Pritchett: Not sure that's better.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: The last time he was here, he was eyeing this bottle the same way you look at me when I wear that strappy sundress.
- Jay Pritchett: I do like that dress.