Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis (TV Series)

Brad Pitt (2014)

Zach Galifianakis: Self - Host

Quotes 

• Himself - Host : [Looking down at his notes]  Ok it's written down here, I just had to ask.

  Brad Pitt : I understand.

  Himself - Host : After a big meal at thanksgiving, do you ever just unbutton your pants and pat your stomach and say "oh boy"

  Brad Pitt : I don't recall doing that.

  Himself - Host : You do a lot of charity work and I think that's really great thing you do and I was wondering if you could tell us about your charity work because I also involved in a lot of charity work myself.

  Brad Pitt : Like what?

  Himself - Host : I work with this one group called "doctors without diplomas"

  Himself - Host : So tell us about your charity work?

  Brad Pitt : Yeah it's something I'm really proud of, it's called "Make it right organization", we started building in the Lower Ninth after Hurricane Katrina...

  Himself - Host : Hold on one second I have to liven this up

  [presses the button on the table and music starts playing] 

  Himself - Host : [Louis C.K. enters the stage with a microphone in-between Brad and Zach]  Ladies and gentlemen, Louis C.K.

  Louis C.K. : [talking with the microphone, imitating a stand-up comedy act]  Hey, how's it going everybody? It's great to be here in New York, it's a crazy town, there were a couple rats in the subway and I thought they were either Ebola or ISIS, I was like " get out of here rats.

  Himself - Host : [to Louis C.K. about Brad]  he looks like a reverse Benjamin Buttons doesn't he? Because he gets older and fatter.

  Louis C.K. : [Confused to Zach]  Who are you talking to?

  Himself - Host : [to Louis C.K. and Points to Brad]  I was talking to my friend, I don't know about you, but he was in Benjamin Buttons, he was in it, that's why I said it

  Louis C.K. : [to Brad]  Who's "Benjamin Buttons?

  Himself - Host : [Pointing at Brad]  The guy "Benjamin Bottoms,", Buttons, that's the guy, you can't recognize him because of the make-up stuff

  Brad Pitt : [to Louis C.K]  No it wasn't make up.

  Louis C.K. : I don't care

  [walks off the stage] 

  Himself - Host : When you and Clooney get dressed up in your tuxes together and say "aren't we a couple of dapper Dans?"

  Brad Pitt : [Shakes his head]  Never happened to my recollection.

  Himself - Host : Is it hard for you to maintain a suntan?

  Brad Pitt : Why?

  Himself - Host : Because you live in your "wife's shadow because I also had a romantic "fling" with someone...

  Brad Pitt : [Intentionally interrupts him by coughs a piece of gum onto the table]  I'm sorry

• Zach Galifianakis - Host : Hi, welcome to another edition of Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis, my guest today is "Bradley Pitts"

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [to Brad]  Bradley Pitts", thanks for joining me.

  Brad Pitt : It's my pleasure.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : How were you when you lost your virginity? Zero?

  Brad Pitt : [looks the opposite direction and remains silent] 

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : I'll tell you when I lost my virginity...

  Brad Pitt : I don't really not like to hear that.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : Showers, why don't you take them?

  Brad Pitt : [Inhales deeply] 

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : You play a lot of people that are Nazi haters, which is weird to me

  Brad Pitt : Why do you say that?

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : Because you look like Hitler's dream.

  Brad Pitt : Yes, I understand the conundrum of it all

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : Naked pictures of you were in Playgirl magazine many years ago and the only way I know that was my dad got me a subscription when I graduated from junior high school and... anyway tell us about this movie "furry."

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : It's "Fury"

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : Not "Furry"?

  Brad Pitt : No.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : When does that come out on DVD?

  Brad Pitt : [thinking and remains silent] 

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [Looking around]  I got you a gift.

  Brad Pitt : [an assistant hand him a long gift wrapped object]  You know I'm a dad now.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : That's a bassoon to play with your kids.

  Brad Pitt : [Putting it to the side]  yeah we don't play a bassoon in my house anymore.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : This is off topic just a bit but do you mind if I borrow one or two of your sperms?

  Brad Pitt : No I think that would be inappropriate.