- The Rock: Finally, the Rock has come back to Worcester!
- [the crowd cheers]
- The Rock: And finally, all the games are over, because once again, finally, the Rock is the WWF champion. Vince McMahon, you still have a lot to be thankful for. You're still the owner of this multi-million dollar company. You are still the owner of a beautiful house. You're still the owner of luxurious cars. And you're still the owner of the best penis implant money can buy!
- [the crowd cheers]
- The Rock: And even last night, Vince, as we stood in the middle of the ring and the Rock put his foot on your chest, it became crystal clear that the Rock owns the WWF title, and the Rock also owns your candy ass! The Rock realizes, Vince, you're not gonna take this lying down. 'Cause it wouldn't be a Monday Night Raw if you didn't come out here and run your mouth at the Rock. So, the Rock says this, just bring it, because the McMahon-Helmsley Faction is over, and the Rock's era has just begun!
- [the crowd cheers, then Vince's music hits and he comes down to the ring]
- Mr. McMahon: First of all, allow me to congratulate you on once again becoming World Wrestling Federation Champion. Furthermore, allow me to wish you good luck in the new Rock era. Why would a man like me say something like that? I'll tell you.
- [the crowd begins an "asshole" chant]
- Mr. McMahon: That's not the reason. That's not the reason at all. Because last night at the King of the Ring, as I lay on my back in the middle of the ring, looking up at the lights in the FleetCenter, the pain and discomfort of the Rock Bottom finally relinquishing its grip on me, it was there last night that I had an epiphany. It was there last night and that flash of clarity, I knew then, I knew all about the questions, questions about my wife Linda. Why, in that... in that one moment, why would my wife... why would my wife have been so kind to so many of my adversaries? Why would my wife make business decisions that she knew I wouldn't like? Why would my wife have the temerity to stand up face-to-face to me, risking the wrath of my retribution? Why? Why, Linda? Why? And then, it dawned on me in that moment, there could only be one reason why she would do all those things and say all those things. And it's simply because she loves me. There can be no other reason. And, Linda, I love you, too. I'm about to tell you just how much I love you. You see, because, Linda, I know that you've been clamoring, almost figuratively begging for my attention, my adoration. And, Linda, upon reflection, I'm gonna give you exactly what you want, because from this moment on, Linda, your life is gonna change for the better, and so is mine. Because from now on, no matter how much attention you want, you're gonna get it from me. No matter how much love, no matter what kind of love, whether or not it's tenderly touching, whether it's rough-or-ready, it doesn't matter to me, Linda. No, you're gonna get all the love you can handle and then some. Because, Linda, something else has dawned on me, and that is I have a hunch that not only do you want the adoration, not only do you want my love and affection, but you want the fruits of my love and affection. I have a hunch, Linda, that what you want is another baby. And, Linda, if you want another baby, I'm your genetic jackhammer! Linda, Daddy's coming home! And, Rock, just to show you I meant every word I said...
- [offering a handshake]
- Mr. McMahon: ...I'd like to let bygones be bygones. If you're the man I think you are, you'll shake my hand.
- [Rock shakes his hand]
- Mr. McMahon: You're a hell of a guy.
- [stopping him from leaving, Rock gestures to have the microphone]
- The Rock: Now, before you go home and make babies with Linda, the Rock just has a couple of things to say. You are still Vince McMahon, the owner of this multi-million dollar company. And you may be a... stud in bed. But the Rock just wants you to know one thing. As far as the Rock is concerned, you are now, and will forever be, an asshole.
- [grabbing Vince, he delivers the Rock Bottom]
- Kurt Angle: What the heck is going on here? This was supposed to be the official designated time of my coronation. Now it's just not happening? Oh, I don't think so. But since we're talking about #1 contenders, I think the choice is pretty obvious. Last night at King of the Ring, I beat three guys.
- [pointing at Hunter]
- Kurt Angle: This guy lost! I was an Olympic gold medalist, a Euro-Continental champion, and now, I'm royalty. It's true, it's true. So I deserve a shot at the WWF title. I know, he knows it, you know it, even the barely literate commoners here in "Wore-chester" know it, as well. So, come on!
- Commissioner Mick Foley: Kurt, Kurt, you've made several good points there, and I have to admit, you are the King of the Ring. By golly, you deserve it. Let's let everybody take a look at you right here.
- [giving Kurt his royal robe]
- Commissioner Mick Foley: It was... it was truly a tremendous job you did. As far as the way you look standing right here, I'd just like to say...
- [pointing at Kurt, he roars with laughter]
- Commissioner Mick Foley: A grown man with a crown!
- [he laughs some more, then stops]
- Commissioner Mick Foley: Oh, look, look, both of you guys are great. Both of you guys are great, there's no doubt about it. That's why tonight, in this very ring, in Worcester, Massachusetts...
- [the crowd cheers]
- Commissioner Mick Foley: ...I'm going to make the two of you part of a #1 contender triple-threat match. And that means that if either one of you win, you get to face the Rock this Thursday on "SmackDown!". And the other... the other contender will be... he'll be the Rock. The Rock will be the third contender for the triple-threat match tonight, right here in Worcester, Massachusetts.
- [the crowd cheers again]
- Commissioner Mick Foley: And now, if the Rock wins, then he doesn't have to dignify either one of you as the #1 contender, and that, Triple H, is my wish. Because, after all, I am the commish! Have a nice day!
- Commissioner Mick Foley: Thank you very much, Shawn Michaels, and thank you, Worcester, for that very warm welcome. Now, as I stand before you, Triple H, Stephanie, in this very ring, I can kind of tell what you're thinking. And that is, not only does Mick look damn good in his new haircut...
- [the crowd cheers]
- Commissioner Mick Foley: Thank you. But, Triple H, you're thinking I somehow look a little bit more powerful than I used to. And it's true. You see, I'm just coming off a very successful business meeting, and Linda McMahon has bestowed upon me the right to make certain decisions, including who is #1 contender for the WWF championship. Triple H, I've heard your pleas, or more accurately, your whining, your bitching, and as someone I know used to say, your kvetching. And as far as being the #1 contender, well, I just don't know. But what I do know is this: with Vince McMahon gone to be a...
- [snickering]
- Commissioner Mick Foley: ...a genetic jackhammer, well, the power he used to have goes to me. And that means I get to make the matches! I get to make the decisions! And I get to make damn sure that nobody ever has to
- [imitating Hunter's manner of speaking]
- Commissioner Mick Foley: listen-uhh to a boring-uhhh 20-minute-uhhh Triple H-uhhh promo again!
- Triple H: [trying to keep his cool] Mick... Mick, I am gonna make this very simple for you to understand, because I know you are an idiot. You either make me the #1 contender right now, or am I gonna beat the living hell out of you right here, as you like to say to get a cheap pop all the time, in Worcester, Massachusetts.
- Commissioner Mick Foley: [humored] Hey, look, uh, you've already done that before. I'm sick of getting my ass beaten by you, and I think everybody's sick and tired of seeing me getting my ass beaten by you. But I know, I know that you are worthy of consideration. But the man I determine to be the #1 contender will not get there by hurtful language and threats and intimidation. No, he will truly be the best man for the job.
- Shawn Michaels: As much as I'm sure everyone was looking forward to the coronation of our brand-new King of the Ring, Mr. Kurt Angle...
- [the crowd jeers]
- Shawn Michaels: I'm afraid old HBK has got a little business to take care of first. Now, as the official spokesperson of the World Wrestling Federation, it is my duty to inform you that I, in fact, do have a major announcement to make here tonight.
- [the crowd cheers]
- Shawn Michaels: And it involves the #1 contender for the World Wrestling Federation championship.
- [Triple H's music hits, and he joins Shawn in the ring]
- Triple H: You know, Shawn, you and I have been friends for a long time, pal. Outside of this crazy world, right? Always been tight. Thick and thin, man. That's why I know it pains you...
- [the crowd begins an "asshole" chant]
- Triple H: That's why, Shawn, I know it pains you to see what happened to me last night, to see me get screwed. To see me get royally screwed. Imagine how that makes me feel, Shawn. Imagine what it feels like to me. I stand here today in front of the world no longer the World Wrestling Federation champion.
- [the crowd cheers]
- Triple H: But the fact of the matter is, I was never beaten. Shawn, last night at King of the Ring, I never lost, but yet every single place I have gone today, every person has stuck their grubby little finger in my chest and said, "Loser!" You know what that feels like to me, Shawn? It's like a cancer. It's like a cancer inside my stomach, eating me from the inside out. It's burning a hole in me, Shawn. And I know you know that, and I know that's why you're out here to make your special announcement. And your special announcement is gonna be that I am the #1 contender for the World Wrestling Federation championship which I never lost. And, Shawn, when you're done with your special announcement, then I'm gonna make my special announcement, and that is that the Rock's days as World Wrestling Federation champion are numbered.
- Shawn Michaels: Hunter, Triple H, you're right. I can't argue with anything that you said. You are right. But there's only one small, *small*, problem. As you know, a number of weeks ago, I resigned as commissioner of the World Wrestling Federation. I can no longer make those decisions. And you know, if I could, I would make you the #1 contender in a heartbeat. You are my best friend, you know I would go to the ends of the earth for you. But these are decisions that I can no longer make. But, what I can do is introduce to you, and everyone else here tonight, the man who can make those decisions. Ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to introduce to you the new commissioner of the World Wrestling Federation, MICK FOLEY!
- Chris Jericho: Welcome to Raw is Jericho! And all day, everybody has been asking me the same question. "Y2J, why did you kiss Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley last night?" Well, my response was, have you ever been driving down the highway and you pull over and you see a big, nasty piece of roadkill on the side of the road? And first, you try and ignore it, but then you're compelled to look at it. And maybe you nudge it with the toe of your shoe. And maybe you even take a big branch and start to poke at it. Well, last night, I took it a step further. Last night, I kissed the nasty roadkill. And believe me, it's something that I never, eeeever, want to do again. But isn't it apropos that Kirk Angel became the King of the Ring with the help of the queen of the filthy, dirty, disgusting, skanky, brutal, bottom-feeding, trash-bag hos?