Matthew McConaughey: Self - Guest

Quotes 

• Self - Host : [before showing McConaughey's childhood picture]  you posted something online that I thought was really cool, one of the first trophies you won, congratulations on this, you were "Little Mr. Texas", that is so exciting, explain this story

  Self - Guest : [to the audience, referring to Fallon]  there's an "asterisk" to what he said though. Alright, this is 1977, I'm eight years old

  Self - Host : uh huh

  Self - Guest : [explaining the competition]  "Little Mr. Texas", you get on a horse, you ride around talk about what it means to be a cowboy, we wear the gear, blah, blah, blah, you know?

  Self - Guest : [looks at the audience]  six years ago, I get this picture and I decide I'm gonna blow it up on my computer

  Self - Host : yeah

  Self - Guest : [gestures to the picture]  my mother told me I'm "Little Mr. Texas", there's proof, six years ago, at thirty-nine years old, I zoom in on this picture and the trophy says "Runner Up"

  Self - Host : [while the audience laughs]  what a sham!

  Self - Guest : I call my mom, "Mom, you told me, I was "Little Mr. Texas", she says "Well you are." I say "No, I looked at the trophy and it says "Runner up". She's like "No, the kid who won that has more money than us, and he bought a three-piece suit and we call that "cheating" your "Little Mr. Texas"

  Self - Host : [jokingly]  you were "Little Mr. Texas", that is a lie!

  Self - Guest : this is consistent "behavior" about my mother, who is now eighty-two, Kathy McCabe McConaughey. Another example, I'm in the fifth grade, and I'm in a poetry writing contest in school, I come home, go back in my room, work on a poem, show mom, she says "Ehh, it's ok, go back to your room and try some more", I go back to my room, try it again, I come back she says "Ehh, it's ok, try it again", I go and come back she says "Ehh, it's ok, here about this?" She pulls this book off the fire bedside and opens it to a page that's marked and says "Read that poem" and I read it and it says "All that I want to do or be is to sit and talk to you, would you listen?" And it was by E. E. Cummings, or one of those...

  Self - Host : yeah, yeah, yeah

  Self - Guest : anyway, not me and she goes "What'd you think of that?" And I say "I think it's great", then she says "Then write that." I say "It's a poetry contest, you want me to write it with someone else's name?" She says "No, you write it and put your name"

  Self - Guest : [after the audience laughs]  "How's that work?"

  Self - Guest : [impersonating his mother irritated]  "look, don't complicate this, do you understand the poem?" I say "Yes ma'am", she says "Do you like the poem?" I say "Yes ma'am, and she says "Then, it's yours!"

  Self - Guest : [to the audience]  so, I wrote it and I won

  Self - Host : no, no, that's plagiarism!

  Self - Guest : oh yeah, my first two trophies were "Runner up" and plagiarism

  Self - Host : [while counting with his fingers]  you weren't "Little Mr. Texas" and you weren't E. E. Cummings who wrote that great poem

  Self - Guest : yeah, that judge Roy Bean line " If it ain't true, it ought to be", it applies to my family

  Self - Host : I love moms, moms are the best, man