Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (TV Series)

Kimmy's in a Love Triangle! (2015)

Tituss Burgess: Titus Andromedon

Quotes 

• Titus Andromedon : How's your little love triangle going?

  Kimmy Schmidt : Nope. Next topic.

  Titus Andromedon : How dare you? For the last three months it's been "What's the Internet? Who's that guy? What's Tilda Swinton?" And I have told you: "Tubes, the president, and no one knows." And now you have something juicy happening...

  Kimmy Schmidt : Look, this is not fun for me. I mean, Logan got into a *fight* with Dong - because Dong likes me?

  Titus Andromedon : Enjoy the attention, woman. The last time I had two men fighting over me, I was a table at a Fire Island arm wrestling match.

• Titus Andromedon : [trying to pass for straight]  Terry, I'll have a beer drink.

• Muscular Man : You have no potential. Get out.

  [He brushes Titus off and turns and moves to sit in an over-stuffed chair] 

  Titus Andromedon : [Aghast]  But I rode a bus to get here!

  [pauses] 

  Titus Andromedon : A bus that went over a drawbridge!

  [pauses again] 

  Titus Andromedon : [Titus advances on the man]  Fine, I don't need you!

  [pauses and stares angrily at the man and then turns abruptly and begins walking quickly away, intentionally knocking over a lamp that stands nearby as he does so] 

  Titus Andromedon : Bye Felicia!

• Professor Rick : Honestly, Titus, I was just like you. I was always getting typecast as the funny gay guy who works at the police station...

  Titus Andromedon : That's not even a thing.

  Professor Rick : ...or the sassy best friend who makes up words.

  Titus Andromedon : Like "snowbesity." It's when you don't know if someone's fat or not 'cause they're wearing a winter coat.