As the daughter of a police detective, Iris should understand that police officers do not necessarily tell their life partners *every* thing. Some things must be kept from spouses for safety's sake, for legal reasons, or just because it's difficult to talk about one's life as a cop. The audience knows what he isn't telling her, but for all Iris knows, it could be police business, which, in a sense, it is.
Ray Palmer states that the bees can't penetrate his suit; however, there's a clear opening in his helmet from under his cheeks down to his chin. In fact, this is exactly how The Flash is stung.