- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: He gave me the vertigo. I had to wear flats. I don't know how people walk on those things.
- Luke Dunphy: [Filming Phil doing reaction shots] Now give me sad. Sadder. Think of me going off to college. Why are you smiling?
- Phil Dunphy: I didn't think you'd get in.
- Haley Dunphy: At last count I had three stalkers. One of them spray-painted my face on the side of his van. I had to stand there forever while he did it.
- Claire Dunphy: I'm not getting you sick. This cold stops with me.
- Claire Dunphy: Why do you think I swapped beds with Luke last night?
- Phil Dunphy: You did?
- Luke Dunphy: Appreciate the back rub.
- Luke Dunphy: Not Sure I love being called "Miss Thang."
- Phil Dunphy: No!
- Phil Dunphy: You know what this means? I'm patient zero. What I thought were allergies started the cold that brought the whole family down! No one can ever know about this, not after what happened in Yosemite.
- [cut to interview]
- Phil Dunphy: The pink-eye apocalypse.
- [back]
- Phil Dunphy: It took me a whole year to earn back the respect and admiration of my family.
- Luke Dunphy: Well...