- Glenn Quagmire: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, hot moms who are married but looking David Chicago!
- Brian Griffin: You know, in case any of you want to, uh, come cheer us on, Chloe and I are doing the Quahog Marathon in a couple weeks.
- Lois Griffin: A marathon? Bu-but what if that sexy boy has another bomb?
- Joe Swanson: [about the book he's writing] It's called "The Hopeful Squirrel". It's about a handicapped squirrel who has to learn to overcome his disability so he can survive in the wild. As you can imagine, it's very personal to me.
- Peter Griffin: Were... were you once a squirrel?
- Joe Swanson: No, Peter. I'm handicapped.