- BoJack Horseman: Daddy, do you want to meet my imaginary friend?
- Butterscotch Horseman: Imaginary friends are freeloaders invented by Communists to ripoff Welfare. Why don't you do something productive like bang your head against the wall until your brain isn't so stupid.
- BoJack Horseman: What's great about Los Angeles is nobody cares where you're from or who you are. It's a superficial town where you can worry about stupid shit like keeping your pool clean, and what artisanal nuts to put on your salad.
- Diane Nguyen: I do like salad.
- BoJack Horseman: Oh, it's the best! Why do you think people keep moving there?
- Ira Glass: Your telephone is ringing. I'm Ira Glass. Thank you for being a sustaining member of public radio. Everyone has a story, and your phone's story is that it's ringing.
- Diane Nguyen: I used to sit alone on the hill out by the dump and dream of waking up as Chelsea Clinton, but with my hair.
- BoJack Horseman: You do have great hair.
- Diane Nguyen: Ten minutes, swear to God. You can play with this kaleidoscope I got you at the airport.
- BoJack Horseman: What? A kaleidoscope? I'm not five...
- [looks through the kaleidoscope]
- BoJack Horseman: Shapes and colors the likes of which I've never seen.