- Cal Chapman: It's not ethical.
- Neri Feldman: We're selling crusty jail panties to perverts.
- Cal Chapman: Yeah, but we have our integrity.
- Piper Chapman: What am I supposed to do now? It's like, we still live in the same place. It's not like I can just go take off and visit my slacker cousins in California for a few weeks while I like my wounds and stalk her on Facebook.
- Big Boo: We are gonna go full-on "Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" on this guy.
- Tiffany 'Pennsatucky' Doggett: What's us getting tattoos gonna teach him?
- Blanca Flores: [in Spanish] This is why I never had kids. The curse of Eve.
- Gloria Mendoza: [in Spanish] You told me it was 'cause Diablo's junk don't work.
- Blanca Flores: [in English] Yeah, that too.
- Tasha 'Taystee' Jefferson: You've got to stop using slavery every time you want to justify some foolishness.
- Cindy Hayes: I'm just using it as a placeholder til I become Jewish and I can pin it on Hitler.
- Cal Chapman: What if the panties were flavored? Like, "This girl only ate strawberries for a week."
- Neri Feldman: I think that might go against the whole "authentic prison" vibe. They're dirty, dirty felons, not Kobe beef.
- Young Daya: And Jordache says I can sleep over at her house whenever I want!
- Aleida Diaz: Jordache? Someone named their kid after pants?
- Yoga Jones: Rumi says "Lovers never meet. They're in each other all along."
- Alex Vause: Yeah, it's kind of like that. Only with drugs and backstabbing.
- Leanne Taylor: I just can't believe she sat in that bus station like a flat balloon.
- Gina Murphy: I guess she lost faith. Either that, or there's some kind of flaw in our randomly improvised Norma-based theological system.
- Aleida Diaz: I try to do the right thing, and my own daughter hates me
- Maria Ruiz: But at least your daughter knows who you are. Pepa ain't even gonna remember me.
- Aleida Diaz: It ain't like you deserve it, naming your daughter Pepa.
- Maria Ruiz: Hey! Yo, "Push It" is me and Yadriel's song, alright?
- Dr. Spiegelman: I think you're a candidate for Doxepin. It might make you a little sleepy, but if you're asleep, you won't eat compulsively and get fat, which is another side effect.