Lewis Lovhaug: Linkara, Lt. Munroe

Quotes 

• Linkara : So, in 2010, I reviewed the first issue of a comic called "Athena". Hmm, I wonder what other critics thought of that book?

  [reads some reviews of "Athena #1"] 

  Linkara : "Athena is able to offer readers a different take on a female warrior with a title that not only develops the character for the future, but also celebrates her past." "With fantastic artwork and a respectable hero, Athena's debut is a success." "It nonetheless looks like it might be a fun and relatively intelligent read, with the potential for some good stories as well as some super powered heroics."

  [Linkara becomes upset] 

  Linkara : This is why we can't have nice things. "Athena #1" was horrible!

• Linkara : The book was more concerned with showing the title character, naming her Athena Olympios - real subtle, guys - in skimpy clothing and showing off her ass than actually displaying characterization. We are told things about Athena, how she's a great cop and is never wrong - and that's pretty much it! We know nothing else about her! Instead, the perspective of the book is from Zeus and a owl, who have to continually rescue her constantly-shown-off ass from danger. There's a really lame recreation of the Golden Apple story from Greek mythology in the form of an "American Idol" contest, which basically consisted of gyrating on stage and having no cameras, and so *not* like "American Idol", despite their protestations that it is, and then Athena gets put in the hospital again, and she's transformed into her horrible costume here. And upon fresher examination, her breastplate is held on with a few strips of gauze.

• Linkara : Looking back on the comments from the first episode, there was stuff that even I missed, assuming that they're correct; I have to take their word for it. Stuff like the Parthenon ruins being in the wrong place, and the fact that they were unguarded in the comic when the real-life ones have soldiers with assault rifles stationed there to protect them, or the Olympios surname not making sense, because in Greece, the "-O-S" is for male surnames, so more likely, her last name should be "Olympio". But that would be a bit too subtle for this comic, which assumes the readers are drooling morons who only want to see sexy women in their comic books, despite being printed in an age when anyone can get free pornography with a Google search. Although, two commenters did say Greek hospitals really are as bad as depicted in the book, so points there, I guess. Oh, and another point where I screwed up: her getting shot in the arm is still just as serious as if she had been shot anywhere else. My mistake. But I maintain that the thing just grazed her, so she doesn't need to be bedridden for days. But then again, spending more time trying to be accurate would be too much trouble when we need to shove in a backup story featuring President Obama, because that was what you did in 2009.

• Linkara : Like the first issue, Dynamite saw fit to print a crap-ton of variant covers for this book. My copy features this cover, which would be a really cool-looking one, with a low-angle shot displaying Athena, powerful and towering over everyone, except for the fact that her outfit is still *horrible*, the thong proudly displayed at the forefront, especially in the low-angle shot, just to really highlight how out of place it looks next to the rest of the armor. And taking a closer look, I see that her breastplate features boob socks with extrusions for her nipples. For the record, armor that is specifically molded to have breast shapes in it like that is terrible and in fact is less protective than normal breast plates would be. Now, some might say, "Well, Athena's a goddess and doesn't need the protection of actual armor." I say Athena is the goddess of wisdom, just warfare and strategy, and is not a moron. Also, that thigh armor she has? That wasn't part of the ensemble she wore at the end of the last issue. Then again, that outfit had no thigh protection, so why am I complaining about an improvement?