- Bree Davenport: Guys, I don't know what's more shocking - Perry thinking Chase is an alien or two bionic people struggling to subdue her!
- Leo Dooley: They say a crisis brings out the best in people.
- Leo Dooley: [filming Donald] This is not one of those people.
- Principal Perry: The aliens are using the lunar eclipse to hide their spaceship and invade Earth!
- Adam Davenport: Yeah, I read about this in line at the supermarket. It's true - aliens live among us! Oh, and Ryan Seacrest has a great meatloaf recipe. The secret? Crackers!
- Leo Dooley: You see? You see? I told you! WEIRD things were gonna happen tonight. First, Principal Perry sees a spaceship, and then Adam claims to have read something.
- Chase Davenport: I was not infected by an alien!
- Leo Dooley: How can you be sure. You were gone for fifteen minutes.
- Principal Perry: Aha!
- Chase Davenport: I was in the bathroom! Should I INVITE you next time?
- [Chase's stomach growls]
- Principal Perry: Now, I'm tellin' you, it's only a matter of time before his stomach explodes and five eggs pop out - six if he's the queen.
- Donald Davenport: Adam, a lunar eclipse is a rare and breathtaking event. The moon is passing directly behind the Earth, blocking the light that normally illuminates it.
- Adam Davenport: Wow,
- Donald Davenport: Yeah.
- Adam Davenport: [sarcastic] Nothin' more exciting than a slow-moving shadow.
- Donald Davenport: Watching a lunar eclipse takes time and patience. We're gonna be here all night.
- Adam Davenport: Oh, great, so it's like a sleepover, minus the fun.
- Leo Dooley: I'm recording tonight's events as they happen in real time. No editing, no filters, and no special effects.
- [Leo swings his camera over to record Donald pounding his lower back]
- Leo Dooley: That's right, folks. He's as old as he appears.
- Chase Davenport: Hey, what're you filming.
- Leo Dooley: The bizarre events that happen during lunar eclipses. Lakes go dry, rivers turn red...
- Adam Davenport: [pointedly at Leo] ... people won't stop talking.
- Leo Dooley: During the last eclipse, I saw a bird fly backwards - and no one believed me.
- Bree Davenport: It's not that we didn't believe you. We just don't care about the things you say.
- Donald Davenport: Nothing bad is gonna happen tonight.
- [Principal Perry bursts in]
- Donald Davenport: And I spoke too soon.
- Bree Davenport: Do you have any redeeming qualities?
- Principal Perry: Is having violent mood swings considered redeeming? I ASKED YOU A QUESTION!
- Principal Perry: [suspecting Chase might have alien babies developing inside him] There's only one way to find out what's going on in there. I'm gonna need two clamps, a roll of paper towels, and a machete.
- Principal Perry: I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm just gonna split you open and destroy the alien babies INSIDE YOU!
- Chase Davenport: Okay, obviously Principal Perry has been taken over by an alien, and she doesn't realize that it's wrestling for control of her body.
- Adam Davenport: Wow, the aliens want HER? Man, how bad are things on THAT planet?
- Leo Dooley: Those things are gonna hatch soon and, when they do, I'm dinner!
- Adam Davenport: No, dinner was hours ago. Technically you'll be a midnight snack.
- Donald Davenport: I haven't been this excited since the meteor shower of '98.
- Adam Davenport: I think '98's the last time I actually TOOK a shower.
- Principal Perry: Hey, I know U.F.O.'s. I spent a lot of nights sleepin' alone in the desert - and not just because my family dumped me there and drove off.
- Principal Perry: Hey, I've been around enough truck stops at 3:00 A.M. to know when somethin' weird's goin' on; and, trust me, there's a bunch of E.T.'s living in his little boy guts!
- Chase Davenport: [reading] "If this thing represents humankind, you can keep your planet. We're moving on to Mars."
- Donald Davenport: [hiding in a recycling bin] Wow, they really are a higher intelligence.
- Chase Davenport: Hey, Adam, you're just in time. I'm having a viewing party for tonight's big lunar eclipse.
- Adam Davenport: Yep, all dudes, no girls - definitely a Chase party.
- Principal Perry: Look, I know what I saw, and when the aliens invade, I'll be safely barricaded in your underground lab.
- [Perry scuttles off]
- Adam Davenport: Well, on the bright side, a girl actually showed up to Chase's party.