Mike Jeavons: Mike J.

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Mike J. : Hello, I'm a British person... and I found another one. Another movie that pisses all over The Beautiful Game!

  [sighs] 

  Mike J. : It makes me so mad; SO MAD, that I wish I could go Eric Cantona over all their arses! If you don't know who Eric Cantona is, he-he was a footballer for Manchester United, and he... he attacked a fan. So, you can get that reference, all you, uh... you Americans. Soccer Dog: The Movie was already an obvious copy of Air Bud, and the filmmakers clearly believed that a dog playing football was enough of a premise to stretch to a second movie, because Soccer Dog: European Cup was born.

• [last lines] 

  Mike J. : I hate this movie! Everybody involved got all their information on Scotland off the back of a pack of porridge. The plot is horrible, the sets, the acting, the dialogue, the stereotypes; it's a nasty movie, and it's surprisingly mean-spirited! This genuinely might actually be the worst movie I have ever reviewed. But then again, I say that about every movie I review, so what the fuck do I know?