- Jane Lynch: Hello. I'm America's Jane Lynch. In October 2012 on the Paramount soundstages the cast and crew of Glee filmed a Christmas episode entitled "Rough Trade Santa." Upon viewing the director's cut, Fox executives recoiled in horror and then locked the episode in a lead vault where it languished for an entire year. A new, less controversial Christmas episode containing an entire act dedicated to biracial Judaism was rushed into production and aired in its place. After a year of pleas from fans all over the world, the episode will now air with several edits. Gone is an entire subplot involving Blaine and his obsession with Yule logs. Lost forever are several scenes explaining why Will Schuester abandoned his Washington dreams to come back and teach his merry band of miscreants and losers. So, sit back, relax, have some eggnog and enjoy, if you dare the never-aired Glee Christmas episode.
- Marley Rose: I'm a virgin!
- Kitty Wilde: That's a shocker. To think nobody's tickled inside your musty, mildewed granny panties except for the family of crickets that nest in there.
- Marley Rose: Yeah, well... you wear a smaller bra than me.
- Santana Lopez: [to a kid] I think that somebody needs to freeze the fat for Christmas because somebody weighs more than Mrs. Claus.
- Rachel Berry: [to Santana on the phone] Where are you?
- Santana Lopez: [while sitting in a bathtub] I'm taking a much-needed break, okay? It is exhausting playing a slutty elf.