- [first lines]
- Penny: Hey, could I ask you a question?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Sure.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You've had this dartboard since I've known you, but I've never seen you play.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh,uh, we played. Once. I broke a window.
- Penny: What window?
- Leonard Hofstadter: [pointing more than ninety degrees from the board] That one over there.
- Sheldon Cooper: And second, you completely disregard how uncomfortable unresolved issues are for me. It-it's like a, an itch in my brain I can't scratch.
- Penny: Smile.
- Leonard Hofstadter: What is that, what is that for?
- Penny: So you can send it to Princeton and get your money back.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Why isn't this bothering you? Isn't your brain getting itchy? This is on your card. This could be ruining your credit score. Why isn't this making you crazy?
- Sheldon Cooper: Leonard. I have something to tell you, but I want you to promise not to flip out.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah, what?
- Sheldon Cooper: Seven years ago I found out the DVD was late and I paid for it.
- Leonard Hofstadter: What?
- Sheldon Cooper: I was going to mention it at the time, but then I thought someday this might be a teachable moment.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Ahhh! I... You... Ah... WHAT?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon, that was diabolical.
- Sheldon Cooper: I know. And it wasn't easy. Do you have any idea what it's like to wait for years and never know if your going to finally get satisfaction?
- [Amy just stares]
- Leonard Hofstadter: How about that! Sheldon's being reasonable.
- Penny: Yeah, it's freaking me out; I'm going to go.
- Penny: Hi. Can I start off with something to drink?
- Lucy: Oh, water would be great.
- Penny: Okay. Um, you're Lucy, right? I'm a friend of Raj Koothrappali's. Actually, Amy recognized you.
- Lucy: Wow, how's he doing?
- Penny: Oh, you know. He's good.
- Lucy: Great.
- Penny: Yeah. This is none of my business, but why did you break up with him in an email?
- Lucy: Um, I don't know. I guess I thought it would be easier.
- Penny: Yeah, I get that. I'll go get you your water. When you say easier, you mean easier for you, right? Cause it certainly didn't make it easier for him.
- Lucy: Any chance I can get a different waitress?
- Penny: I'm sorry, this is rude of me. I will get you that water. See, see, see, see. Just now, you expressed your feelings to my face. How come you could do that with me but not with Raj?
- Lucy: I don't know your email.
- Penny: You know what the worst part is? You're sitting here perfectly happy and he's at home a blubbering mess.
- Lucy: I thought you said he was OK.
- Penny: Well, I also said I was getting you water, but look at me. Still standing here. You know, I may be a bad waitress, but you are a bad person. Now, want to hear the special?
- Raj Koothrappali: How are you?
- Lucy: I'm pretty good. Listen, I just wanted to apologize for breaking up with you in an email.
- Raj Koothrappali: And I ate all the crumb cake. We both make mistakes.
- Lucy: Okay.
- Raj Koothrappali: I'm so happy you asked me here and I hope we can hang out again sometime. You know, as friends... love making partners, whatever.
- Lucy: Oh... um. I'm kind of seeing someone.
- Raj Koothrappali: I think I know the answer to this, but to be clear; it's not me, right?
- [last lines]
- Lizzy: [in restaurant, yelling at Raj] What is wrong with you?
- Penny: [in her doorway, yelling at Raj] What is wrong with you?
- Raj Koothrappali: [in his apartment, yelling at himself in mirror] What is wrong with you?
- Howard Wolowitz: [Leonard is scratching his itchy sweater] So you can never take it off?
- Leonard Hofstadter: No.
- Raj Koothrappali: Not even to sleep?
- Leonard Hofstadter: No.
- Howard Wolowitz: So you're just an idiot.
- Leonard Hofstadter: It's called proving a point.
- Howard Wolowitz: Is the point you're an idiot?
- Leonard Hofstadter: I forgot about this; my aunt made if for me when I started college.
- [holds up bright red sweater]
- Penny: Awwww, did she hate you?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Why? Because I got an ugly, itchy sweater and my brother got a car? No, I was her favorite.
- Leonard Hofstadter: If I take off this sweater, Sheldon wins!
- Penny: Sweetie, every night you don't kill him in his *sleep* he wins.
- Howard Wolowitz: You didn't have Smokey the Bear in India?
- Raj Koothrappali: No. Oh, is he anything like Munmun the Mongoose? He taught us not to play with cobras.
- Howard Wolowitz: You have to be taught not to play with cobras?
- Raj Koothrappali: You have to be taught not to burn down the forest?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: If this girl hurt you so much, are you sure you want to see her again?
- Howard Wolowitz: If I may, he has so little self-respect and is so desperate for the smallest crumb of affection, that she could literally sleep with his own father in his own bed and post the video to YouTube and he'd still buy her flowers and ask her to be his bride.
- Raj Koothrappali: He's right.