- Dyson Thornwood: How about Kenzi and I take the field? I've been training her.
- Kenzi Malikov: As a shadow thief. Check your panties.
- [Holds up a purple thong]
- Kenzi Malikov: Anyone missing any panties?
- Lauren Lewis: You have got to stop doing that!
- Dyson Thornwood: I did not teach her to do *that*.
- Lauren Lewis: It's not a pearl it's a crystallized salt deposit.
- Dyson Thornwood: Did you just say crystallized salt deposit?
- Lauren Lewis: Can that sentence be mistaken for some other sentence?
- Lauren Lewis: Who could possibly need that much caffeine?
- Kenzi Malikov: Us! We! We're taking a case. Can I get a 'wha' wha'.
- Lauren Lewis: What?
- Dyson Thornwood: What?
- Kenzi Malikov: Okay, not what I had in mind.
- Dominique Clare: Legs!
- Dyson Thornwood: Yes, that's what they're called.
- Dominique Clare: Legs!
- Dyson Thornwood: Not yours. Lauren's. There's a difference. God damn mermaids.
- [Turns to Lauren]
- Dyson Thornwood: I should just end her now, right? You feel like some sushi?
- Kenzi Malikov: I don't get it, why would you hire us if you thought your own brother did it?
- Diana Clare: I thought he was trying to get rid of me. So I hired you to play detective to get rid of him.
- Kenzi Malikov: For a species without assholes, you sure act like ones!
- Lauren Lewis: What do you see? What's happening?
- Kenzi Malikov: [At Alaria Tech] Well, we're basically in a yogurt commercial.
- Darren Clare: The family's back together! We'll get our legs. Blow up Alaria Tech. Start over again in Maui. Now's the time for our kind to rise. Goodbye sea shells. Hello Victoria Secret! There's nothing that can stop us.
- Lauren Lewis: Except... tap water.
- Dominique Clare: Oh shit.
- [Lauren sprays them]
- Diana Clare: Dominique, you are so small pond. Darren and I worked hard for our legs!
- Dominique Clare: Let's just all go back home. You promised me that you would come back. You forgot about me!
- Darren Clare: Dominique. You stay here with us. It's perfect you get the doctor's. Diana gets the squirmy one's. And I upgrade to wolf legs.
- Kenzi Malikov: Dominique, don't listen. You have to help us.
- Dominique Clare: No. I like his idea!
- Tad: Aren't you a little unkempt for a corporate setting?
- Dyson Thornwood: Aren't you a little nasal to be answering phones?
- Tad: I am not---
- [Realizes his voice is quite squeaky]
- Kenzi Malikov: I'm being stalked like a celebrity at a Whole Foods parking lot.
- Lauren Lewis: You need to get into that vent system to track that mail before we lose heat.
- Kenzi Malikov: Okay, I'm gonna distract the guard. I'll record myself on a camera that cousin Dimitri provided that also doubles as a projector. I'll install a screen in front of my desk-...
- Dyson Thornwood: Yeah, I don't think we should be trusting Gypsy technology.
- Kenzi Malikov: Just give me 20.
- [Dyson knocks out the guard]
- Kenzi Malikov: Or we could just do that.
- Dyson Thornwood: Kenzi, you need to get out.
- Kenzi Malikov: But we haven't solved it yet!
- Dyson Thornwood: Doesn't matter, get out. Do you copy?
- Lauren Lewis: What is it Dyson? A flesh eater?
- Kenzi Malikov: Sharknado?
- Dyson Thornwood: Worse. Mermaids.
- Darren Clare: Look, I'm not safe here. Dominique is close. Please help me. Take me to Diana.
- Kenzi Malikov: How can I trust you? I am standing in a room full of man gams!
- The Keeper: [Chanting] Unanimes venit lumen. Unanimes veniat pax. Malum est-...
- Bo Dennis: [Enters] Oh good, you're all here. Being creepy.
- Dyson Thornwood: How's the heat monitor working?
- Kenzi Malikov: Um, looks like I'm the hottest one around. I like this gadget!
- Kenzi Malikov: Oh my God mermaids! I love mermaids! But like *love* them.
- Dyson Thornwood: They are the psychopaths of the sea Kenz. "The seas have eyes" is their cultural motto.
- Kenzi Malikov: I have lied awake at night my entire life thinking of the marvelous mer-day when I would meet a fin-flapping, seashell-bra wearing Daryl Hannah. Oh my God!
- Lauren Lewis: They are a rare and fascinating species.
- Kenzi Malikov: Yeah. They comb their hair with forks!
- Dyson Thornwood: Yeah. Right after they stab you in the face with them. Just before they blow up your ship that's on route to the new world.
- Kenzi Malikov: Yeah, but then they sing duets with crabs.
- Dyson Thornwood: No, they don't, Kenzi.
- Kenzi Malikov: A woman's legs went missing, dudes! Like mi-ssing. Okay? She was swimming in her company pool, and then bam. Legless in Pool-attle.
- Lauren Lewis: What's the company called?
- Kenzi Malikov: Alaria Tech. Biometrics. Like "I, Robot" shit. So we need to get to the bottom of this. And, get that bottom half... back.
- Darren Clare: There's over a dozen pearls here. Do you know what this means?
- Kenzi Malikov: She loves buck-a-shuck Tuesdays?
- Tad: I'm the most efficient person at Alaria. And in the spirit of efficiency, let's make this quick.
- Kenzi Malikov: Right. Does your disability ever affect your work?
- Tad: Does your leave-in shampoo seep into your scalp and affect yours?