- Judge: [Don urgently wants to get out of jury duty; addresses the judge, who is not too impressed] All these people have someplace else to be. I'm sure your network can do the news without you.
- Don Keefer: You're probably right but I'd hate for my boss to find that out.
- Judge: [Still not impressed] Take your seat.
- Don Keefer: Ah.
- [Turns to one of the lawyers]
- Don Keefer: Look, you don't want leaders on the jury, right? Anyone who can take charge during deliberations? I run a news broadcast five nights a week with a staff of sixty, and I bend them to my will...
- [turns to the other lawyer]
- Don Keefer: ... plus, I'm currently the defendant in two lawsuits being brought by the same person, so... even though I bought your client's bagel slicer at 3 a.m., and it nearly took my fingers off, there is simply no way in *hell* that I'm finding for the plaintiff...
- [pulls breath to continue]
- Judge: Get out of here!
- Don Keefer: Thank you!
- Sloan Sabbith: You know how there are tall women who don't mind dating shorter guys? I don't mind that you're dumb. And, Don, I mean that.
- Will McAvoy: Let's do sports, Charlie. We love sports.
- Charlie Skinner: You mean like try out for a team?
- Will McAvoy: I do not mean try out for a team. No.
- Will McAvoy: How many?
- MacKenzie McHale: Bridesmaids?
- Will McAvoy: Yeah.
- MacKenzie McHale: Nine.
- Will McAvoy: Nine bridesmaids.
- MacKenzie McHale: My sisters, your sisters, Sheila, Sloane, Maggie and Diane.
- Will McAvoy: Who's Sheila?
- MacKenzie McHale: My brother's wife, Sheila. You've met her.
- Will McAvoy: And who's Diane?
- MacKenzie McHale: Sawyer.
- Charlie Skinner: [to everyone in the newsroom, clapping because CNN had to retract a prior statement] Hey!
- Will McAvoy: Hey!
- Charlie Skinner: What are you *doing*? *Worst* moment in this guy's life and you're cheering? Why?
- Will McAvoy: Why?
- Charlie Skinner: Because you think if someone gets in line in back of you it means the line moved? We still blew Genoa.
- Will McAvoy: The line didn't move!
- Charlie Skinner: And if there's anyone...
- Will McAvoy: That's right.
- Charlie Skinner: ...in the world who should be able to empathize with CNN right now, you would *think*...
- Will McAvoy: Wouldn't you?
- Charlie Skinner: ...that it would be the people in this room!
- Will McAvoy: Empathy!
- Charlie Skinner: He got knocked down! We didn't get taller.
- Will McAvoy: [to Mac] I worked very hard at cultivating no friendships outside of work. And to be honest, I was doing fine cultivating no friendships inside of work until you came along.
- Reese Lansing: I know everyone on this floor thinks I'm an asshole. But, I run a good company. And that's all I've ever wanted to do. Run a good company that makes good products. And we may have a political difference on this, but I take a lot of pride in being a job creator.
- Sloan Sabbith: Okay.
- Reese Lansing: You really want to argue the indisputable fact that I cut paychecks to 141,000 people?
- Sloan Sabbith: Our difference of opinion isn't political; it's religious. I'm an economist and in my church it's your customers who are the job creators. And no one here thinks you're an asshole.
- Reese Lansing: Really?
- Don Keefer: [Just entering the room] I do.
- Sloan Sabbith: I like puzzles.
- Don Keefer: No. you don't.
- Sloan Sabbith: I *love* puzzles.
- Don Keefer: You literally talk back to the New York Times crossword. You yell at it.
- Sloan Sabbith: [Giving him a knowing look] Can I tell you something about the New York Times crossword? Very often they put the wrong number of boxes in to house the correct word.
- Don Keefer: [Smiling indulgently] Yeah.
- Will McAvoy: [Eating Chinese food with Mac] The MSG is where the flavor comes from. The Chinese are a people who've been around for billions of years.
- MacKenzie McHale: No people have been around for billions of years.
- Will McAvoy: Okay. Well, some of us have read a book called the Bible - which is pretty clear about the Chinese and MSG.
- Sloan Sabbith: [Referring to a woman she had breakfast with] She tried to give me a message in a bottle.
- Don Keefer: What was it?
- Sloan Sabbith: Merrill's media buyer is gonna lose his job because he's been having an affair with his 24 year old assistant who used to be a circus performer.
- Don Keefer: [Faraway look in his eyes] Ahhhh...
- [Sloane looks at him]
- Don Keefer: That was an involuntary response you'd get from any man who pictures a circus girl...
- Charlie Skinner: All in all, I think we're doing well.
- Will McAvoy: I'm still trying to figure out exactly what doing well means.
- Will McAvoy: Listen up. I'm from Nebraska. I'm not like the rest of you. I can eat food without fear.
- MacKenzie McHale: You ever read Euripides?
- Will McAvoy: Yeah, I read it when I was in - no, fuck you, I haven't read Euripides.