Modern Family (TV Series)

The Late Show (2013)

Ed O'Neill: Jay Pritchett

Photos 

Quotes 

• Manny Delgado : I've never seen you so excited about a restaurant.

  Jay Pritchett : I've waited six weeks for this reservation. They have an Australian wagyu beef that's supposed to change your life.

  Manny Delgado : In the way heart disease changes your life?

  Jay Pritchett : Because *you're* a pillar of health. They only feed this cow alfalfa, barley and red wine, and some chef hand-picks each cut, dry ages it 35 days before cooking it to a perfect medium-rare, all for me.

  Manny Delgado : Doesn't the wine make the cow drunk?

  Jay Pritchett : It's not 'The Far Side'. The cow doesn't drive anywhere.

• Claire Dunphy : See, Phil? They don't let Manny stay home alone. Why do you think Haley's there?

  Jay Pritchett : Actually, we let Manny stay home all the time. And sometimes, he makes cupcakes, which I could use one about now... or a potato.

• Jay Pritchett : Gloria!

  Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : What?

  Jay Pritchett : [Forcing himself to be calm]  I think the new earrings are really gonna tie your whole outfit together.

  Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : You're so sweet!

  Manny Delgado : Wow. That was very mature of you.

  Jay Pritchett : Yeah, well, I'm a lot older now than when she started getting dressed.

• Jay Pritchett : They even played my favorite song.

  [Midnight Train to Georgia] 

  Jay Pritchett : A train I'd never make..unless I told Gloria it left at 11:00.

• Jay Pritchett : Last night, I had the greatest meal I've ever had, and it never would have happened if Gloria hadn't gotten us kicked out of that snooty restaurant.