Last Man Standing (TV Series)

Thanksgiving (2013)

Tim Allen: Mike Baxter

Photos 

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Mike Baxter : Football on, women setting the table, why can't *every* day be Thanksgiving?

• Boyd Baxter : I'm doing a class project on what we're thankful for.

  Kristin Baxter : He want's to do a video like your vlogs for Outdoor Man.

  Mike Baxter : Everybody's thankful for *those*.

  Boyd Baxter : I like the one where the president needs to pull his head out of Putin's butt.

• Eve Baxter : So, I guess someone is just gonna have to die before I can sit at the big table?

  Mike Baxter : Ryan's in the den by himself. How bad do you want it?

• [last lines] 

  Mike Baxter : [giving toast]  Alright, alright, to all my winos, gamblers and drug dealers, Happy Thanksgiving.

• Vanessa Baxter : [being filmed by Boyd]  What am I thankful for? Uh, I guess I'm thankful for science... specifically the fermentation process that helps me get through the holidays.

  [raises wine glass to lips] 

  Mike Baxter : You know, his teacher's gonna see this. She'll probably send you a pamphlet.

• Boyd Baxter : Grandpa, this is due on Monday.

  Mike Baxter : Alright, calm down. Let's do your little report. Um, what am I thankful for? I'm thankful for radio, specifically ham radio. Ham radio is heavily regulated by the FCC, the same people who censor network television, but not cable, so drug dealers and murderers become our heroes. They don't only censor, they regulate my ham radio. They require me to have a license, tests, and if they don't like what I have to say they can fine me or lock me up. What a great way to treat the last line of communication during the coming apocalypse. Why does the government choose to regulate free speech and ham radio, but anybody can operate, I don't know, a hemp outlet? So this Thanksgiving, while the rest of you are enjoying your turkey, I'm savoring my ham. Happy Thanksgiving FCC, cause I know you're listening.