- Jay Pritchett: I won't be able to hear her, she won't be able to see me.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: We'll be together forever!
- Alex Dunphy: He's beating me in 'Words with Friends'. How is that even possible?
- Haley Dunphy: Shouldn't you be playing 'Words With Friends' with friends?
- Alex Dunphy: Grandpa is my friend.
- Haley Dunphy: Of course he is. That's not sad. What?
- Manny Delgado: You call that folded? Where's that military precision?
- Jay Pritchett: We didn't fold many onesies in the Navy.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: [Struggling to read a menu] I'll take this one. It looks very good.
- Jay Pritchett: That's their address, Magoo.
- Alex Dunphy: Okay, that's it. Grandpa's cheating.
- Haley Dunphy: On Gloria? How could he possibly do better?
- Alex Dunphy: No, not on Gloria, on this game. I've never lost it to anyone.
- Haley Dunphy: Keep playing word games with Grandpa, and you never will.
- Phil Dunphy: How many times have you girls seen me fall off this ladder? Now, that's gonna happen less.
- Jay Pritchett: What did the doctor say?
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: He said my eyes are perfect.
- Jay Pritchett: Where was he looking when he said it?
- Manny Delgado: Well, since we're coming clean, you overuse the word 'divine'. It's *just* an ice-cream sandwich. You're the boy who cried 'divine'.