Nostalgia Critic (TV Series)
Les Misérables: Musical Review (2013)
Doug Walker: Nostalgia Critic
Photos
Quotes
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Paw : [about Brentlfloss] We can't have him in the review.
Nostalgia Critic : Do you think I don't know that?
Oancitizen : We have to get rid of him. He's like a musical armageddon.
Paw : The movie or the event?
Oancitizen : Does it matter?
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Brentalfloss : [singing] Where's the Critic? I don't get it. Where in God's name did they go? Got my PhD so quickly. Though I got it from Russell Crowe.
Nostalgia Critic : [singing] We don't need anymore help with this review. I got it covered with my current crew.
All : [singing] One big song!
Nostalgia Critic : [singing] So kick your feet back. And have a couple beers.
All : [singing] One big song!
Nostalgia Critic : Watch this commercial. With our voices ringing in your ears. Singing this...
All : [singing] One song big... big song one... one big sooooooooooong!
Platypuss Bunny : One big song!
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Oancitizen : [singing] Look down. Look down. Don't look right at the screen.
Nostalgia Critic , Paw : [singing] We can't. We tried. It's just too damn obscene.
Nostalgia Critic : [singing] The singing's live. Who's bright idea was that?
Oancitizen , Paw : [singing] Probably the guy who gave Javert that hat!
Paw : [singing] Come on. You guys. It's not that bad per se.
Nostalgia Critic , Oancitizen : [singing] But Russell Crowe
Paw : [singing] Okay! Okay! Okay!
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Nostalgia Critic : Hearing Crowe debate ethics is like watching a rock argue with itself.
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Nostalgia Critic : Valjean then sings about how important it is to protect Marius, describing him like a son - a son he's only known for a few minutes.
Jean Valjean : [singing] God on high/Hear my prayer
Oancitizen : This is especially disrespectful to the original, as the song was supposed to be sung quietly and soothing. Here, he belts it out.
Jean Valjean : [singing] If I die/Let me die
Oancitizen : I'm surprised he doesn't wake up the entire army.
Nostalgia Critic : Oh, and I suppose Colm Wilkinson did much better?
Oancitizen : He did! Much better!
Nostalgia Critic : Oh, and his
[imitating with his hand]
Nostalgia Critic : awkward lip movements didn't result for hilarious sounds like this?
Colm Wilkinson : [singing onstage at the 10th Anniversary Concert of Les Miserables] Bring me ho-ome.
[Nostalgia Critic and Paw chuckle]
Oancitizen : Well, OK, maybe not every note was perfect, but I don't...
Colm Wilkinson : Ho-ome?
[Nostalgia Critic and Paw laugh heartily as Kyle looks irritated]
Paw : Did he swallow a fish?
Oancitizen : It's still better than Jackman.
Nostalgia Critic : Oh, I don't know. Jackman never sounded like a vomiting cat in reverse.
Colm Wilkinson : Ho-ome? Ho-ome? Ho-ome?
[Nostalgia Critic and Paw can't help but laugh hysterically. Oanacitizen is clearly upset and close to rage and tears]
Oancitizen : Stop it!
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Oancitizen : [on Russell Crowe's singing] When you get down to it, he's in tune. He knows how to phrase his melodies. But he's using a different style. He's trained in rock and folk, a subdued, naturalistic style. Musical theater is grand and stylized, and because of that, the nature of the aesthetic makes it easy to spot a faker.
Nostalgia Critic : On top of that, Crowe likes to use his acting method of "If I act like I don't care, maybe I can trick you to care." But in this film, all the other actors seem to have that pesky mindframe of wanting to emote and convey actual emotion.
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Nostalgia Critic : That's Colm Wilkinson?
Paw : Yeah!
Nostalgia Critic : It can't be!
Paw : Why not?
Nostalgia Critic : I can understand him. He usually sounds like Sean Connery if his lips were being stretched by a rice picker.
Colm Wilkinson : [Wilkinson sings onstage] The cries in the dark that nobody hears/Here where I stand at the turning of the years?
Nostalgia Critic : I mean, shouldn't this be more like...
[imitates Wilkinson's singing]
Nostalgia Critic : Dere izh wine here to revive you/Dere izh bread to make you zhtro-ooong.
Oancitizen : [through his teeth] You will leave that man alone. He is a musical treasure.
Nostalgia Critic : I will for now, Kyle. But my collection of Colm Wilkinson funny voices will not go untouched.
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Nostalgia Critic : So, final thoughts on the movie?
Paw : Well, I think it's great. It did a wonderful job to update the musical, as well as adapt it in a way that moviegoers would enjoy. It has its problems here and there, but I think it's fantastic just to see it in movie form.
Oancitizen : Well, I thought it was terrible. It's clumsy. It's awkward. It's full of moment upon moment that doesn't work. And it commits the biggest crime any adaptation could: It made me question whether or not the material it's adapting was that damn great to begin with.
Oancitizen , Paw : [Leaning in on The Nostalgia Critic] Yoooouuuuu?
Nostalgia Critic : Well, uh, as someone who enjoyed the musical but acknowledges that it had problems, I think the film is kinda similar. Some moments hit it right out of the park, and others don't even make it up to bat. So, on the whole, I'm glad I saw it. But I don't think it's great.
Oancitizen : Wait, so it's
[points at Paw]
Oancitizen : like,
[points at himself]
Oancitizen : dislike, and
[points at The Nostalgia Critic]
Oancitizen : indifferent.
Nostalgia Critic : Well, hell, that's pretty much what the rest of the critics of the world thought. There's no real majority consensus. It's one of those movies that is so hard to get a fix on that pretty much everybody had a different reaction to it.
Paw : Well, what the hell kind of a conclusion is that?
Oancitizen : We need *some* kind of opinion to force on the viewers
Paw : Yeah.
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[last lines]
Katara : Hello, Critic. We're Waterbenders.
Nostalgia Critic : Ohh, look, I'm not really into new-age religion. Pretty much they all tell me I'm still going to hell.
Sokka : No no, we're not here for that. I'm Sokka, and this is my sister Katara.
Nostalgia Critic : Well obviously! And, uh, what's your guys' story?
Katara : Well, I am the motherly, emotionally center.
Sokka : And I'm funny!
Nostalgia Critic : Uh huh, well look, can you two freaks waterbend the hell outta here?
[Katara begins to bloodbend The Nostalgia Critic. She moves her arms so he is under her control. She makes him beat himself in head repeatedly]
Katara : Not until you save the franchise.
Nostalgia Critic : Franchise! What franchise?
Sokka : There is a great evil that has damaged our world, and only you can restore balance.
Nostalgia Critic : What are you talking about?
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Nostalgia Critic : Jesus, guy, take a few steps back! I can see the scenery you've been chewing between your teeth!