- Jeff Winger: Three and a half years ago, when I came to Greendale, I met six very important people.
- Dean Pelton: Ooh, burn on Britta.
- Jeff Winger: Sorry, seven. And meeting these people changed my life. Yep. I'm sorry. I-I don't know what to say.
- [the other group members just laugh]
- Troy Barnes: Yeah, okay.
- Abed Nadir: Whatever.
- Jeff Winger: I'm so used to being the guy who can talk his way out of anything, but what do you say when you don't want a way out? What you have all done for me is indescribable. It's unbelievable. And my love for you is immeasurable, even when you split it seven ways.
- Dean Pelton: So, what's next for Jeffrey Winger?
- Jeff Winger: I'm thinking I might look into some small local firms. I'm gonna use my big mouth to help the little guy.
- Shirley Bennett, Annie Edison: Aww.
- Jeff Winger: Plus, if I stay in town, I can pop by any time I want. You know, just to settle any group arguments about who misses me the most.
- [both Britta and Abed point to themselves]
- Jeff Winger: What do you think?
- [everyone raise their glasses]
- Abed Nadir: To Jeff.
- Shirley Bennett: To Jeffrey.
- Abed Nadir: Listen up people! We've got an inter-dimensional battle on our hands. Our evil counterparts are waging a war, and it's either us or us.
- Troy Barnes: [Describes a sandwich idea he has] Speaking of great idea having, hear me out. It's called "The Troy-jan Horse." It goes bread, lettuce, ham, ham, bacon, chocolate...
- Troy Barnes, Abed Nadir: [as Evil Troy and Abed] Troy and Abed in the morning!
- Abed Nadir: Welcome back. We've got a jam-packed show, so let's get started.
- Troy Barnes: Today, as always, we'll be visited once again by Greendale's king and supreme lord master, Dean Chang.
- Abed Nadir: Looks like he'll be talking about squash this time.
- Troy Barnes: Oh, I'm super excited for that. And not only because it's mandatory.
- Dean Pelton: I see you have all the necessary paperwork.
- Jeff Winger: Necessary? You asked for proof of inseam.
- Dean Pelton: Ah, Jeffrey. I'm going to miss our playful, "Get a room already" banter.
- Annie Edison: I transferred to forensics late and got the worst classes. Skull fragment collection, advanced advanced decomp, and intro to senselessness were all full.
- Troy Barnes: I still have a year of A/C repair left. I passed all my classes, so now I just do yoga while the teachers write down my wisdoms.
- Jeff Winger: Something happened when I rolled that die. Something terrible. Something only nerds can understand.
- Troy Barnes: You took so many blow-off classes and pointless electives. What did you end up majoring in?
- Jeff Winger: Education.
- Abed Nadir: My final film school class is just called "Opinions". Professor Taylor is scheduled to teach, but I have a rebuttal.
- Annie Edison: Then it's settled. The six of us will take astronomy next semester.
- Pierce Hawthorne: So now you're leaving me out.
- Shirley Bennett: No, we're leaving Jeff out.
- Pierce Hawthorne: So I'm not even the one who gets left out anymore.
- Evil Annie: Pierce? We thought you were dead.
- Evil Pierce: Hell, no. After I got shot, I faked my death to teach you all a lesson.
- Evil Troy: Lesson about what?
- Evil Pierce: Who can remember? It was more than a year ago.
- 'Evil' Abed: Jeff left Greendale and became a scummy lawyer again, but the more evil he got, the more he became tortured by the idea that there's still a good Jeff out there, being good somewhere. That's why he forced me to show him how to travel between timelines.
- Abed Nadir: My God. This is so cool.
- 'Evil' Abed: I know. You have no idea how long I've been waiting to talk to you about it. Kind of a Superman III meets that Star Trek episode meets season three of The Cape.
- Abed Nadir: The Cape was cancelled.
- 'Evil' Abed: Not here. They retooled it for cable, and it's awesome.
- Evil Jeff: Hello, Abed.
- Abed Nadir: Hello, Evil Jeff.
- Evil Jeff: What? How did you-...
- Abed Nadir: I may not be good with facial expressions, but I know an evil doppelganger when I see one. Plus your arm makes a noise every time you move it.
- Evil Annie: You'll love the darkest timeline. We're sleeping with Jeff there.
- Annie Edison: What? We are?
- Evil Annie: All the time. And he loves it.
- Annie Edison: [Pops out of hiding] Ahhhh!
- [Shoots Evil Annie]
- Annie Edison: Nobody sleeps with Jeff. Not even me.