Kingsman: The Secret Service (2014)

Mark Strong: Merlin

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Eggsy enters the study room with JB to meet with Arthur] 

  Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin : Merlin said you wanted to see me, sir?

  Arthur : Sit down.

  [Eggsy sits down while Arthur looks at JB] 

  Arthur : Pretty dog. What's his name?

  Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin : JB.

  Arthur : As in James Bond?

  Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin : No.

  Arthur : Jason Bourne?

  Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin : No. Jack Bauer.

  Arthur : Oh.

  [pauses] 

  Arthur : Bravo. It pains me to admit it, Eggsy, but one day, you might be as good a spy as any of them.

  [Arthur pulls out a gun and points it at Eggsy, then offers it to him] 

  Arthur : Take it.

  [Eggsy takes the gun] 

  Arthur : Shoot the dog.

  [Surprised look at Eggsy, as he points the gun at JB. Meanwhile, in the room next door, Merlin hands Roxy a gun] 

  Merlin : This weapon is live. Shoot the dog.

  [Back in the study room, Eggsy continues to hesitate as JB stares at him. He shakes his head in disagreement] 

  Arthur : Give me the gun.

  [Eggsy points the gun at Arthur. Suddenly, there is a gunshot from next door. Arthur takes the gun from him] 

  Arthur : At least the girl's got balls. Get out. I knew you couldn't make it. Go home.

  [Eggsy and JB leave the room] 

  Arthur : Merlin, send in Roxy, please.

• [after Eggsy puts on his suit] 

  Merlin : Looking good, Eggsy.

  Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin : Feeling good, Merlin.

• Merlin : As some of you will have learned last night, teamwork is paramount here at Kingsman. We're here to enhance your skills and test you to the limit. Which is why you're gonna pick a puppy. Wherever you go, your dog goes. You will care for it. You will teach it. And by the time it's fully trained, so will you be. Those of you who are still here, that is. Do you understand? Choose your puppy.

  [the candidates approach the cages. Eggsy gets a pug while Roxy gets a black poodle] 

  Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin : A poodle?

  Roxy : What? They're gun dogs. Oldest working breed. Easy to train.

  [Looks at Eggsy's pug] 

  Roxy : A pug.

  Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin : It's a bulldog, ain't it?

  [Disappointing look at Roxy's face] 

  Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin : It'll get bigger, don't it?

  [Roxy shakes her head] 

  Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin : Shit.

• [Lee Unwin prevents a captive terrorist from killing his comrades with a suicide bomb by jumping over him before the explosion. Hart removes his mask] 

  Harry Hart : Shit. Fucking missed it. How did I fucking miss it? Merlin.

  [Merlin removes his mask] 

  Harry Hart : I apologise for putting you in this position. You trained him well.

  Merlin : James

  [James removes his mask] 

  Merlin : Your training... is over.

  Harry Hart : Welcome to Kingsman, Lancelot.

  Lancelot : Sir.

  Harry Hart : [Looking at Unwin's body]  I'll deal with this mess... personally.

• Merlin : Hugo, Digby: you don't land in the K, you're not in the K. Rufus, you opened too soon. You were all over the radar. All three of you, pack your bags. Go home.

  [the three candidates leave] 

  Merlin : Eggsy, Roxy, congratulations. You set a new record. Opening at 300 feet, that's pretty ballsy. Well done for completing another task. Fall out.

  [Roxy and Charlie leave. Eggsy stays, angered that he was the one without a parachute] 

  Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin : Sorry, sir, but why the fuck did you choose me as the gimp? Am I the expendable candidate?

  Merlin : No, no, no. You don't talk to me like that. If you have a complaint, you come here and whisper it in my ear.

  [Eggsy approaches Merlin] 

  Merlin : You need to take that chip off your shoulder.

  [Merlin pulls Eggsy's rip cord, revealing that he had a parachute the whole time] 

• [the Interrogator questions Charlie, who is tied to a railroad track] 

  The Interrogator : Is Kingsman worth dying for?

  Charlie : No it fucking isn't! Shit! I'll tell you what you want, please! Chester King's Arthur! Arthur's head of the secret spy agency! It's called Kingsman! Get me out of here!

  The Interrogator : Thank you, Charlie. Much appreciated.

  [Interrogator walks away] 

  Charlie : No, that wasn't the fucking deal!

  [Train passes over Charlie and the section he's tied to drops down. Section rises as Arthur arrives at the scene] 

  Arthur : I had such high hopes for you. You're a bloody disgrace.

  Charlie : I'm so sorry. Please untie me.

  Arthur : Untie yourself.

  [Arthur walks away] 

  Charlie : Arth- Arthur, please. Shit. Anyone!

  [Merlin, Hart, Eggsy, Roxy, and Percival observe the scene in the control room] 

  Merlin : Galahad, Percival, congratulations. Your candidates have reached the final stage of the testing process. As tradition allows, you will have 24 hours to spend with them. Eggsy, you should know your father reached this point. From now on, there are no safety nets. Understood?

  [Eggsy and Roxy look at each other and nod to Merlin] 

  Merlin : Good. Dismissed.

  [the Kingsman agents and candidates leave the room. Merlin turns around and turns on the loudspeaker at the railway] 

  Merlin : Charlie, time to go home.

  Charlie : Fuck you! Fucking dad's gonna hear about this!

• [Eggsy and JB enter Hart's hospital room] 

  Harry Hart : Ever heard of knocking?

  Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin : Only when I'm casing a place to rob. Merlin said you wanted to see me.

  [JB barks at Hart] 

  Harry Hart : I hope JB's training is going as well as yours is.

  Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin : Sit.

  [JB sits] 

  Harry Hart : Congratulations on making it to the final six candidates. Your test results were even better than I could've hoped.

  [Knock on the door] 

  Harry Hart : Come in.

  [Merlin enters the room] 

  Merlin : Ah. Eggsy, I need to have a private conversation. You're dismissed.

  Harry Hart : Nonsense. Let him observe. He might learn a thing or two.

  Merlin : As you wish. Take a look at this.

  [Merlin plays the video recording of Professor Arnold's head exploding] 

  Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin : Fucking hell! That's just rank, Harry. You blew up his head. It's a bit much, ain't it?

  Merlin : Actually, the explosion was caused by an implant in his neck. Here, under that scar.

  Harry Hart : Did my hardware pick up the signal that triggered it?

  Merlin : Fortunately, yes. Unfortunately, the IP address it traced it to is registered to the Valentine Corporation.

  Harry Hart : That's not much of a lead. They have millions of employees worldwide.

  Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin : That Richmond Valentine's a genius.

  [Surprised look by Hart and Merlin] 

  Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin : Did you not see his announcement today?

  [Eggsy grabs Merlin's clipboard and sets the TV to Valentine's speech] 

• Merlin : Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Merlin. You are about to embark on what is probably the most dangerous job interview in the world. One of you, and only one of you, will become the next Lancelot.

  [Grabs bag on bed] 

  Merlin : Can anybody tell me what this is?

  [All candidates except Eggsy raise their hand. Merlin selects Charlie] 

  Merlin : Yes?

  Charlie : Body bag, sir.

  Merlin : Correct. Charlie, isn't it?

  Charlie : Yes, sir.

  Merlin : Good. In a moment, you will each collect a body bag. You will write your name on that bag. You will write the details of your next of kin on that bag. This represents your acknowledgment of the risks you are about to face, as well as your agreement to strict confidentiality, which incidentally if you break, will result in you and your next of kin being in that bag. Is that understood?

  [All candidates except Eggsy, still with a confused look, nod] 

  Merlin : Excellent. Fall out.

• Merlin : Congratulations on completing your first task. Charlie, Roxy, well done. For those of you who are still confused, if you can get a breathing tube through the U-bend of a toilet, you have an unlimited air supply. Simple physics... worth remembering. Eggsy, well done for spotting that was a two-way mirror.

  Charlie : He's probably seen enough of them.

  Merlin : Yeah, you can all wipe the smirk off your faces because as far as I'm concerned, every single one of you has failed. You all forgot the most important thing: Teamwork.

  [Merlin points at the quarters. The candidates get up and see that Amelia has drowned] 

  Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin : So much for classic army technique.

• Merlin : [to plummeting sky divers]  I hope not to be scraping one of you up. But if I do have to, and you're inside the target, please know I'll be very impressed.

• [Harry is in a hate group church] 

  Church Leader : And I say to you, bear witness! Watch the news. Watch the news. AIDS! Floods! The blood of the innocent, spilled! And yet, there are those who doubt this is the wrath of God. Our filthy government condones sodomy, divorce, abortion! And yet, some still doubt this is the work of the antichrist! You do not have to be a Jew, a nigger, a whore or an atheistic, science-loving evolution spouter...

  Merlin : [watching the sermon]  Charming sermon. Can you see Valentine anywhere?

  Church Leader : So, my friends although he is a just God, he is justly a vengeful one and there can be no turning back from the almighty wrath...

  Valentine : Are you sure we're out of range?

  Valentine : We're over 1,000 feet away. What's wrong?

  Gazelle : What if the calculations are wrong?

  Valentine : You just have to trust me.

  Church Leader : ...Jew, nigger, fag lovers, and the devil is burning them for all eternity.

  Harry Hart : Would you excuse me?

  Church Blonde Woman : Where are you going?

  [Harry tries to leave the church] 

  Church Blonde Woman : Hey! What's your problem?

  Harry Hart : I'm a Catholic whore, currently enjoying congress out of wedlock with my black, Jewish boyfriend who works at a military abortion clinic. So, hail Satan, and have a lovely afternoon, madam.

  Valentine : Oh, shit. He's leaving. I'm starting the test now. Let's hope enough of these freaks have our SIM cards.

  [the church leader continues his sermon] 

  Church Blonde Woman : I kindly ask you to sit down, my friend! Just leave this church! You just leave this church like the infidel you are! Satan cannot save you now! You will eat your babies. You will drown in the blood of the Lord! He will not save you!

  [as Harry is about to shoot the woman Valentine starts his test and Harry, under the effects of the test, shoots the woman and everyone in the church attacks each other] 

  Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin : [surprised at what happened]  Holy fuck!

  Valentine : Shit, I can't watch this. Get over here.

• [When prompted by his computer to activate Valentine's head implants] 

  Merlin : Yes please.

• [Harry Hart is in a hate group church] 

  Church Leader : And I say to you, bear witness! Watch the news. Watch the news. AIDS! Floods! The blood of the innocent, spilled! And yet, there are those who doubt this is the wrath of God. Our filthy government condones sodomy, divorce, abortion! And yet, some still doubt this is the work of the Antichrist! You do not have to be a Jew, a nigger, a whore or an atheistic, science-loving evolution spouter...

  Merlin : [watching the sermon]  Charming sermon. Can you see Valentine anywhere?

  Church Leader : So, my friends, although he is a just God, he is just a vengeful one and there can be no turning back from the almighty wrath...

  Gazelle : Are you sure we're out of range?

  Valentine : We're over 1,000 feet away. What's wrong?

  Gazelle : What if the calculations are wrong?

  Valentine : You just have to trust me.

  Church Leader : ...Jew, nigger, fag lovers, and the devil is burning them for all eternity.

  Harry Hart : Would you excuse me?

  Church Blonde Woman : Where are you going?

  [Harry tries to leave the church] 

  Church Blonde Woman : Hey! What's your problem?

  Harry Hart : I'm a Catholic whore, currently enjoying congress out of wedlock with my black, Jewish boyfriend who works at a military abortion clinic. So hail Satan, and have a lovely afternoon, madam.

  Valentine : Oh, shit. He's leaving. I'm starting the test now. Let's hope enough of these freaks have our SIM cards.

  Church Leader : [continuing his sermon]  I kindly ask you to sit down, my friend!

  Church Blonde Woman : Just leave this church! You just leave this church like the infidel you are! Satan cannot save you now! You will eat your babies! You will drown in the blood of the Lord! He will not save you!

  [as Harry is about to shoot the woman Valentine starts his test and Harry, under the effects of the test, shoots the woman and everyone in the church attacks each other] 

  Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin : [surprised at what happened]  Holy fuck!

  Valentine : Oh, shit, I can't watch this. Get over here.