- Lyle (segment "Parent Death Trap"): I played alone, ate dinner alone, got tortured at school and realized that it wasn't me all of those years. It was my parents.
- Lyle Veljohnson (segment "Parent Death Trap"): It's hard for people like us. Walking through life with that kind of pain. But if you find the right person, it can make it feel like a walk in the park.
- Violet Meyers (segment "Parent Death Trap"): But if you find the right person, it can make it feel like a walk in the park.
- Special Agent Ella (segment "Parent Death Trap"): We almost had her dead to rights. Now she's just dead.
- Benny (segment "To Grandmother's House We Go"): What in the hell are you breaking up with me for?
- Marcia (segment "To Grandmother's House We Go"): I didn't say I was breaking up with you, Benny. I said I'm dumping you.
- Ruby (segment "To Grandmother's House We Go"): First Mommy died, then Daddy. If Granny goes to heaven, you'll be the only family I have.
- Marcia (segment "To Grandmother's House We Go"): Yeah. Yeah, don't remind me.