- Phil Dunphy: Honey, I apologize from dozens of things I do every day. If I start apologizing for the things I didn't do, I wouldn't be very productive.
- Mitchell Pritchett: I was not the best athlete growing up, and Dad never missed an opportunity to point it out. "Nice throw, Nancy!" Nancy was our neighbor growing up. I could never throw as good as her.
- Cameron Tucker: [about Luke] He knows all the songs, he has a voice like a nightingale, and he has that theatrical madness in his eyes you just can't teach.
- Manny Delgado: That's from the paint.
- Alex Dunphy: Maybe you should carry this for a while.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: I wish I could, but I just had a baby.
- Alex Dunphy: I've seen you carry Manny to bed.
- Manny Delgado: I don't know how Marcus got the lead, but I do know how he got sick: from chewing all that scenery.
- Pepper Saltzman: Did you hear that? He's not just talking to him, he's talking to seven-year-old you, eight-year-old you...
- Mitchell Pritchett: [Swinging angrily] Suck it, Nancy!
- Pepper Saltzman: I was just trying to help!
- Manny Delgado: [about Luke's performance] He was glorious. Every note, every nuance, I was transported. But my quarrel wasn't with Luke. It was with God.