Mike Jeavons: Mike J.

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Mike J. : Hello, I'm a British person, and it's that time of year again... Winter. But for some reason, we feel the need to fill our homes with trees; what the hell's that about? And what's a better way to kick off the festive season than by taking a look at a movie so infuriating, it's been the cause of three murders a year since its release - all by me. Fred: The Movie, because an Internet celebrity who rants at a camera deserves to make a movie. Look out for NerdQuest, coming in 2013. Now I know it may be easy to have a lot of preconceptions about Fred: The Movie, having seen his online show, but I want to give this fair a chance as possible. So, let's give it a go.

  Fred : Hi, it's Fred!

  Mike J. : Fuck off!

  [leaves the room, but shortly returns] 

  Mike J. : It is the season of kindness, I suppose. Come on.

  Fred : Oh, my gammit. I'm so excited!

  Mike J. : Fuck off!

  [leaves once again, but soon returns to continue the review] 

• [last lines] 

  Mike J. : That was Fred, a string of random scenes featuring a truly hateful character; Fred is spoiled, childish, selfish, a thief, spiteful, resentful, obsessive. Why would they want to make a film based on a character like that? Well, somebody did, and you know what? They made a sequel.

  [Fred screams] 

  Mike J. : Fuck off!