Merlin (TV Series)
A Lesson in Vengeance (2012)
Zee Asha: Audrey
Quotes
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Audrey : You! What are you doing in my kitchen?
Merlin : [as the aged Emrys] Nothing.
Audrey : "Nothing" means "mischief" in my book.
Merlin : Well, you've been reading the wrong book.
Audrey : And "mischief" means "theft."
Merlin : No, it doesn't.
Audrey : And theft means my pies.
Merlin : Your pies? Why on earth would anyone want to steal your godforsaken pies?
Audrey : My pies are the talk of Camelot.
Merlin : Oh. Yes, indeed they are - a crust like rusted iron, a filling like last year's horse dung, and the smell - oh, yes - just like the guard house's latrine!
Audrey : No one insults my pies and gets away with it!
Merlin : Oh, I'm sorry. Should I speak instead of your poisonous flans - like vomit, curdling in the noonday sun - or your dumplings? The king, himself, likened them to freshly lain frog spawn wrapped in pig snot!
Audrey : What would you know about the king and my dumplings?
Merlin : Oh, good grief.