- Richard Nearly: [waking up surrounded by scattered cash] Jesus, what happened here? Looks like Donald Trump threw up.
- Jake Jones: The old joke: A Buddhist walks up to a hotdog vendor and asks...
- Chloe Jones: "Make me one with everything."
- Jake Jones: Given the hotdog, he pays and says...
- Chloe Jones: "Where's my change?"
- Jake Jones: To which the vendor replies...
- Chloe Jones: "Change comes from within."
- Jake Jones: [referring to foreign orphans] And it'll mean so much to them to have house-sitters who are so handsome.
- Chloe Jones: And thin.
- Dr. Paige Whitehead, Ph.D.: Are you talking about orphans or dogs?
- Chloe Jones: Both.
- Alex Reardon: What kind of people have this amount of money just lying around?
- Richard Nearly: Gangsters, drug dealers, the church...
- Dr. Cooper Whitehead, Ph.D.: Excuse me, but how do you already know that anything's been taken?
- Detective Diane Kershman: Just a hunch, but I'm pretty sure that the Buddha doesn't shit cash.
- Richard Nearly: Okay, that's it. When Buddhists start shooting people, something is very seriously wrong.
- Richard Nearly: Don't panic? Why? Because the police are on their way over here right this very second?
- Alex Reardon: Just calm down, Richard.
- Richard Nearly: I can't go to jail. I can't wear orange. I'm a winter.