- Debbie Weaver: How are you going to explain the Bird-Kersees to your folks?
- Marty Weaver: Well, you know, they're better at blending in now. And when my parents see a white guy with a black lady, an Asian kid and a redhead, they're not gonna be much into conversation, so...
- Debbie Weaver: At last, an upside to racism.
- Debbie Weaver: [Theresa scrubs the table] Theresa, enough, it's clean, we're not operating on it!
- Theresa: Let me help, Debbie! Just because your children's hands are dirty doesn't mean the table has to be.
- Marty Weaver: Okay, Gammy and Pop-Pop just pulled in.
- Debbie Weaver: Kids, Mommy apologizes now for everything she says.
- Theresa: Who's ready for a sweater? I got the patterns from Rosie O'Donnell's craft book. For a lesbian crackpot, she does have some darling ideas!
- Dominick: [Marty hands his father a beer] What the hell is this?
- Marty Weaver: It's a microbrew, best money can buy.
- Dominick: Microbrew? So I guess you're a raging liberal now too, huh?
- Marty Weaver: Yeah, I don't even know how to connect the dots on that one, Dad.