- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Let me guess. Slutty cop?
- Penny: No, sexy cop. Slutty cop only came with the skirt and two badges.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: And Albert Einstein?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Ja, und later, she's going to arrest me for going faster than the schpeed of light.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You know, there's a foundational idea in string theory that the whole universe may be a hologram.
- Penny: What do you mean?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Well, the holographic principle suggests that what we all experience every day in three dimensions may really just be information on a surface located at the farthest reaches of our cosmos. So it's possible that our lives are really just acting out a painting on the largest canvas in the universe.
- Penny: Huh.
- Leonard Hofstadter: What?
- Penny: Sometimes I forget how smart you are.
- [kisses Leonard]
- Leonard Hofstadter: You should visit more often.
- Raj Koothrappali: Hey, Stuart, I see you're getting ready for your Halloween party.
- Stuart: Yeah, it's my annual attempt to meet women. Ninth time's the charm.
- Raj Koothrappali: Would you like me to help? I do have a certain je ne sais quoi when it comes to soirees.
- Stuart: Thanks, but I can't afford je ne sais quoi. How much for just quoi?
- Sheldon Cooper: Raggedy Ann and Andy stand for three things I don't care for: clowns, children and raggediness.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: What's that?
- Howard Wolowitz: It's just a video Raj sent me of Buzz Aldrin.
- Buzz Aldrin: [Handing out Halloween candy to trick-or-treaters] Here's a Milky Way. The Milky Way is a galaxy in space. I've been to space. Here's a Mars bar. I'm an astronaut. This one's a Moon Pie. I've walked on the moon. What have you done?
- Howard Wolowitz: Okay, I get it.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Ladies night at the Cheesecake Factory. Does it get any better than this?
- Penny: I hope so.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: [to Bernadette] Question. Do you think your husband's fondness for turtlenecks is an expression of longing for his missing foreskin?
- Penny: It's not getting any better.
- Raj Koothrappali: For the photo booth, we could go with a creepy theme, or we could also get the TARDIS from Dr. Who.
- Sheldon Cooper: The TARDIS is a time machine from a sci-fi show, it has nothing to do with Halloween. That being said, if you don't get a TARDIS, then you stink and your party stinks.
- Howard Wolowitz: Astronaut Wolowitz reporting for booty... preparing thrusters... we have liftoff... are we clear to jettison that nightgown?
- Penny: [for Halloween, Leonard is dressed as Albert Einstein and Penny as a 'sexy cop'] I told you in the car, no accent.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Sorry, officer.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: I just think in relationships, you get back what you put into them.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: That's not always true. Last night, I gave Sheldon my best come-hither look and he responded by explaining how wheat came to be cultivated.
- Penny: Uh, I guess I could try probably try a little harder.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: You could start by taking an interest in his work.
- Penny: Yeah, that's kind of a problem.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Why?
- Penny: Not really clear on what he does.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: He's an experimental physicist.
- Penny: Yeah, I'm not really clear on what that means.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: He takes hypotheses and designs protocols to determine their accuracy.
- Penny: Yeah, you're really just making it worse.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Have you noticed that Howard can take any topic and use it to remind you that he went to space?
- Sheldon Cooper: Interesting hypothesis. Let's apply the scientific method. Perform an experiment.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Okay. Hey Howard, any thoughts on where we should get dinner?
- Howard Wolowitz: Anywhere but the space station. On a good day, dinner was a bag full of meatloaf. But hey, you don't go there for the food, you go there for the view.
- Sheldon Cooper: Fascinating. Let me see if I can duplicate the result. Howard, I've always thought the lemon was an underrated fruit. Care to weigh in?
- Howard Wolowitz: Not really.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, well.
- Howard Wolowitz: You know, people say the Soyuz capsule is a lemon. But, hey, that baby got me to space and back.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: [They both walk into the back, to a couple already there] You! Out!
- [They leave, she turns on Howard]
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: You are being very rude!
- Howard Wolowitz: No I'm not. They're all being rude, and you're being rude.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Me? What did I do?
- Howard Wolowitz: [Almost robotic imitation of Bernadette's voice] Oh Howie, stop talking about space so much. Nobody likes it.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: [pause, then in a deeper voice, actually Melissa Rauch's real voice] I don't sound like that.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: There are certain things that say to the world, I have a boyfriend and he's not made up. matching costumes, hickeys, and sex tapes. Pick one.
- Sheldon Cooper: What's a hickey?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon, I was thinking, since this is gonna be our first Halloween party as boyfriend and girlfriend, I thought it might be fun for us to go in a couples costume.
- Sheldon Cooper: I couldn't agree more.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Really? I find that inconsistent with everything I know about you.
- Howard Wolowitz: Bernadette said you guys are all sick of me talking about my trip to space. Is that true?
- Sheldon Cooper: Yes.
- Raj Koothrappali: No.
- Sheldon Cooper: We seem to have different approaches here. I was going for helpful honesty. I have no idea what you're doing.
- Raj Koothrappali: It's called being nice.
- Sheldon Cooper: Okay. If you think being nice will get him to shut up, I'll try it.
- Penny: Better not be building a robot girlfriend.
- Leonard Hofstadter: No, although Howard was making some real strides in that area until he met Bernadette.
- Penny: You're kidding.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Nope. Now the Lisatronic 3000 just sits in a box waiting for the phone to ring.
- Raj Koothrappali: Before I forget, I'd like your opinion on the menus I've prepared for the Halloween party. The theme is "Food that goes bump in the night."
- Howard Wolowitz: Creature from the Black Forest Ham Lagoon.
- Raj Koothrappali: On Sesame seed Bunzillas.
- Sheldon Cooper: Night of the Living Garlic Bread?
- Raj Koothrappali: It's funny because "bread" sounds like "dead".
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm sorry, but these are just ordinary foods with the names bent into tortured puns. Uh, the dishes themselves are in no way Halloweeny.
- Raj Koothrappali: [writing it down] Ooh, Hallow-weenies! That's a good one. They'll pair nicely with my "Draculoni and Cheese." How do I do it?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: You have to go to that party 'cause we're going.
- Penny: Yeah, I'm gonna go. It's just not my idea of a good time.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Leonard does things he doesn't like to make you happy.
- Penny: Well, yeah, he's my boyfriend. Isn't that, like, his job?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Then what's your job?
- Penny: Letting him make me happy.
- Sheldon Cooper: What kind of tea would you like?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I think I'm gonna try green tea mixed with lemon zinger.
- Sheldon Cooper: Two teabags in one cup? You're not at a rave.
- Howard Wolowitz: Boy, it's nice to sleep in a bed with gravity again. Did I tell you about the night my retainer floated out of my mouth and into the air lock?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Yeah, you mentioned it once or twice.
- Penny: [getting a text] Ugh. It's Leonard. He wants to go costume shopping later.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I thought you liked Halloween.
- Penny: No, I do, it's just he wants to go to that party at the comic book store. A lot of the guys that hang out there are kind of creepy.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Like my husband?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: And my boyfriend?
- Penny: [trying to change the subject] I'm... I'm sorry, Amy, you were saying something about Howard's foreskin?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Howie, I know you went to space. I'm incredibly proud of you. But you might wanna try and not bring it up every minute.
- Howard Wolowitz: I don't talk about it every minute.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Tonight at dinner, you went on about it for an hour straight.
- Howard Wolowitz: What was I supposed to talk about? We were eating at Johnny Rockets.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: I'm just saying, people are getting a little tired of it.
- Howard Wolowitz: So, I did this amazing thing and I'm never allowed to mention it?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Of course you can. But maybe a good rule would be to wait for people to bring it up.
- Sheldon Cooper: Couples' costumes are one of the few benefits of being in a relationship. Now, imagine this: you and I entering Stuart's party and all eyes turn to see America's most beloved and glamorous couple.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: [excited] Yeah?
- Sheldon Cooper: [her face falls] R2-D2 and C-3PO! Dibs on 3PO.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon, when I said couples' costume, I meant like, uh, Romeo and Juliet or Cinderella and Prince Charming, not two robots from some silly movie I don't even like.
- Sheldon Cooper: Y... okay! I'm gonna let that slide because I know you're hopped up on teabags.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I make compromises for you all the time. Just this once, can't we find something that we're both happy with?
- Sheldon Cooper: Fine. How about one of the most beguiling and influential couples of the 20th century? Hewlett and Packard. Dibs on Hewlett.
- [seeing her look]
- Sheldon Cooper: What, you want to be Hewlett?
- Raj Koothrappali: [offering to help Stuart with his Halloween party] You know, you don't worry about money. I'll take care of everything.
- Stuart: Really?
- Raj Koothrappali: Yeah, you'll love it. Ain't no party like a Koothra-party.
- Howard Wolowitz: But you know what wasn't a party? That hotel in Kazakhstan they put you up in before the launch. I mean, it's your last night on Earth. You'd think you'd get one porn channel.
- Howard Wolowitz: Oh, hey, Stuart, I got you a little souvenir from my trip to space.
- Stuart: Well, Howard, that's very nice of you.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah, maybe. Open it first.
- Howard Wolowitz: It's my official NASA portrait.
- Stuart: "To Stuart. Your comic book store is out of this world. Just like the guy in this picture was."
- Sheldon Cooper: For the record, he also thinks the Walgreens and the dry cleaners are out of this world.
- Howard Wolowitz: That's not true. At the Walgreens, I was "over the moon" for their store-brand antacids.
- Penny: [after Leonard and Penny emerge from the TARDIS] Nothing to see here. Sexy police business.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Just explaining the theory of relativity.
- [whispers to Howard]
- Leonard Hofstadter: twice