- Sheldon Cooper: Penny.
- Penny: What?
- Sheldon Cooper: Please don't hurt my friend.
- Penny: That is the last thing I want to do.
- Sheldon Cooper: Thank you.
- Sheldon Cooper: If you're going to replace Wolowitz I need to know a little more about you.
- Stuart: Alright.
- Sheldon Cooper: Wolowitz went to MIT. What's your educational background?
- Stuart: I went to art school.
- Sheldon Cooper: Equally ridiculous, let's go.
- Penny: What are you doing in my bedroom?
- Sheldon Cooper: Yeah, well, I knocked on the front door, but you didn't hear it.
- Penny: How did you even get in, you weirdo?
- Sheldon Cooper: Really? I've seen strange men traipsing in and out of here for years, but when I do it it's weird?
- Sheldon Cooper: [at Leonard's bedroom door]
- [knock, knock, knock]
- Sheldon Cooper: Leonard!
- [knock, knock, knock]
- Sheldon Cooper: Leonard!
- [knock, knock, knock]
- Sheldon Cooper: Leonard!
- Leonard Hofstadter: What?
- Sheldon Cooper: Are you sleeping?
- Leonard Hofstadter: I was. Now I'm having a nightmare.
- Leonard Hofstadter: So, I had to take Sheldon to the dentist this morning.
- Penny: Really.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yup. I told him if he didn't bite the hygienist, I'd take him for ice cream.
- Penny: Mm.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I didn't have to take him for ice cream.
- Sheldon Cooper: There's something I need to tell you.
- Leonard Hofstadter: 'Kay.
- Sheldon Cooper: I can't tell you.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Why?
- Sheldon Cooper: I can't tell you why I can't tell you. So I guess there's two things I can't tell you.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I wish there were more.
- [last lines]
- Howard Wolowitz: Hey, Bernie, guess what; I stood up to the other astronauts like you said and I got to tell you last night was the first time in a week I got a good night's sleep.
- [Howard has a mouse face and the words 'F. Loops' drawn on his face]
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Oh, Howie!
- Howard Wolowitz: What's wrong? You look upset.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Nope. This is my proud face.
- [first lines]
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: And the next wedding present is... a gravy boat.
- Penny: [writing it down] Ooh, one gravy boat.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: That's from Sheldon. He told me he had it engraved.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: [Reads engraving] "In case of divorce, please return to Sheldon Cooper."
- Penny: One inappropriate yet I-wish-I-thought-of-that gravy boat.
- Penny: I've been in love before, but it felt different. Maybe this is a new, better, boring kind of love. Do you ever feel that way about Howard?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: That's not really a fair comparison. I'm basically married to a sexy Buzz Lightyear.
- Penny: Amy, you?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Can't help you, kid. Whenever I'm around Sheldon, I feel like my loins are on fire. In the good way, not the urinary tract infection way.
- Howard Wolowitz: The other day, when I was asleep, one of the guys went on a spacewalk and glued a big-eyed rubber alien mask to the outside of my window. When I woke up, I screamed for like 9 minutes.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Oh Howie.
- Howard Wolowitz: You can see it if you want. It's on YouTube. Google "Astronaut screams for 9 minutes".
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Do you actually see you and Sheldon getting married some day?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Not just some day, in exactly 4 years. But don't tell Sheldon, he's still a flight risk.
- Dimitri: Hey Fruit Loops, did you clean the space toilet?
- Howard Wolowitz: Excuse me, I'm talking to my friends.
- Mike Massimino: You know the rules. New guy scrubs the toilet.
- Dimitri: If you do good job, next time we give you brush.