La cripta de las condenadas (2012) Poster

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Typical Softcore Film from Franco
Michael_Elliott2 March 2018
La cripta de las condenadas (2012)

* 1/2 (out of 4)

One of Jess Franco's final films turned out to be this, LA CRIPTA DE LAS CONDENADAS, also known under the title A BAD DAY AT THE CEMETERY. I'm not sure where the title is coming from as there's not a cemetery to be found, at least not in this first part.

This Franco film was broken into two parts and the whole thing clocks in just shy of 150-minutes. This first film runs 70-minutes and starts off with a bizarre woman sitting on the floor looking directly into the camera. As various weird sounds are made on the soundtrack, another woman joins here and they begin to mess around. This here continues and we get other scenes of other women doing the same thing.

Look, you're either a fan of Jess Franco or you're not. I personally love the man but there's no question that he made a lot of really awful movies in his career but that's part of the charm. Some Franco experts say you've never seen a Franco movie until you've seen them all and I personally agree with that. I'm getting closer to the finish line but it does seem as if each movie you watch is just a piece of a bigger puzzle.

With all of that said, how is this film? I personally thought it was pretty bad. As was the case with the majority of his digital era films, there's no plot here as we simply see a bunch of different women flaunt their bodies to the camera. This gets rather boring after a while and with no plot to follow it gets even more aggrevating. Yes, this here is something Franco did throughout the later part of his career but it wasn't entertaining then and it's certainly not entertaining here.

Franco nuts such as myself will still want to check this film out but all others should stay very far away. I really don't see anyone not familiar with the work of Franco being impressed by this thing and especially since there's another movie to go.
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1/10
Budget soft porn with no plot.
matthewhemmings10 October 2016
While watching this movie I glanced at the time and made a mental note to tell you all to skip the first 23 minutes, that's how enthralled I was.

Two women lie on a rug, one occasionally caresses the other. For 23 minutes.

The music probably means something to the director, but not to me. It was like being stuck in an elevator.

The rest of the movie's scenes consist of two or more women, somewhere, vaguely caressing one-another. Occasionally there's some subtitles about something, occasionally someone talks about hell.

The director and cameraman are clearly fans of the sepia filter on their handicam.

You get much better looking women in a proper softcore flick and much more bang for your buck (if that's what you're after) from porn.

Do yourself a favour, avoid this at all costs.

M
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2/10
So yeah...
BandSAboutMovies1 February 2023
Warning: Spoilers
The poster for this movie? Gorgeous.

The description? "A group of women is locked in a cemetery crypt, convicted of an old curse. This kind of succubi, lewd and wicked, indulging years pass all kinds of sexual pleasures."

The actual movie? Jess Franco in one or two rooms watching women writhe around and zoom in and out of their curves for 90 minutes or so.

Also, that's no crypt. It's someone's apartment and it may as well be Franco's.

A Bad Day at the Cemetery is all shot in an orange haze, all soft focus as women writhe on a white carpet that seems a lot like the one Joan Collins got blood all over in Tales from the Crypt and how do you keep a carpet like that clean? Would you have sex all over an impossible to clean and maintain shag?

The ladies on hand include writer and cinematographer Fata Morgana (she also made Montes de Venus with Franco), Carmen Montes from Snakewoman, Eva Palmer from Jess Franco's Perversion and actresses who only appeared in this film and its sequel: Marta Simoes, Olivia Deveraux and María Traven.

Let's dispense with questions like, "Should you watch that?" Jess Franco's normal films are an acquired taste, much less his late in career digital video efforts which are just him being a creepy fly on the wall while women pose and occasionally touch one another and classic music plays. An Exterminating Angel is on the way and I guess if I knew that, I'd be doing the same as them.
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