- Richie: Nobody can sit on something this big.
- Dean Pelton: *I*'ll sit on it. When I became Dean, I made a pledge to swallow this school's failures and spit out degrees because That's.What.Deans.Do.
- Troy Barnes: There is another way in. If I enroll in the AC school, they'll help us. We could walk in and out. It'll mean I'll have to move out of here and into AC school housing, and I won't be able to hang out with you guys anymore, or have a relationship, or use the word "sensational" for some reason.
- Britta Perry: Troy, we are not losing you to save the dean, or Greendale... or anything, ever.
- Jeff Winger: Don't be so dramatic, Troy. The answer is simple. We just have to plan an elaborate heist.
- Britta Perry: Yes!
- Pierce Hawthorne: Great, I'll get my turban.
- Jeff Winger: Everyone except Pierce has to plan an elaborate heist.
- Troy Barnes: Shirley, never change. Or do, if you want, I'm not your boss.
- Shirley Bennett: Oh, honey.
- [They hug]
- Pierce Hawthorne: Never wear a rubber.
- Jeff Winger: [Shakes hands with Troy] Never listen to Pierce.
- Troy Barnes: [Annie hugs him] Whenever you finally finish that jigsaw puzzle, will you tell me what kind of boat is at the end of that dock?
- [Annie nods]
- Britta Perry: This is a lock of my hair.
- Troy Barnes: [Overly sentimental] Creepy.
- [Abed comes up to him, Troy whispers something in his ear, Abed nods, and they do their secret handshake]
- Murray: All right, let's go.
- [Troy exchange a last look with the group before exiting after Murray]
- Annie Edison: Abed? What did he say to you?
- Abed Nadir: [Teary eyed] He said "I know you hate it when people do this in movies." Sorry I got emotional.
- Abed Nadir: Chang started his solo. Knowing him, that gives us only nine minutes to get to the records room.
- Pierce Hawthorne: Is that me in my swami disguise?
- Jeff Winger: No, Pierce, for the last time, you're in the getaway van because your swami act is notoriously horrible.
- Pierce Hawthorne: A, that is racist. B, swamis can't drive, they're Indians.
- Abed Nadir: [Trying to disarm the fireworks] Which wire do I cut?
- Troy Barnes: There's only one.
- Abed Nadir: God, I hope I'm right.
- Shirley Bennett: The real Dean never would have expelled us. He loved us.
- Officer Cackowski: Unfortunately, love is not admissible evidence. Ooh!
- [sings into recorder]
- Officer Cackowski: Love is not admissible evidence! I'm working on a cop opera.
- Shirley Bennett, Jeff Winger, Britta Perry, Abed Nadir, Troy Barnes, Annie Edison: Copera!
- Pierce Hawthorne: Police-ical!
- Annie Edison: You're going to burn down the school and kill everyone!
- Ben Chang: Fire can't go through doors, stupid. It's not a ghost.
- Singing little girl: Chang eats the sun and drinks the skies / and they both go with him when he dies.
- Jeff Winger: How's it coming with the guard?
- Britta Perry: Boys are pathetic. Two days of facebooking with this Joshua kid and he's eating out of my hands. "Got a new flavor of lip balm. Meet me at Chili's in ten minutes." Sheep.
- Jeff Winger: Um, I just want to reiterate that this should be the only time you seduce a child over the internet.
- Britta Perry: Troy, you don't have to do this. The AC school has no claim on your soul.
- Troy Barnes: No, but I do. A man's only as good as his word, or his nod through a camera to a guy with a button.
- Murray: It's time. Say your goodbyes.
- Ben Chang: ...And when the works "accidentally" go off when I hit the final note on my awesome keytar solo, they'll burn up the school's records and all evidence of my misdeeds.
- Troy Barnes: Chang, you're insane. You're still into keytar?
- Murray: Suppose you actually managed to make it past the guards at the front, there's 50 more inside, armed to the teeth with stun batons and misplaced sexual aggression. Let's say you happen to get past them and then you get to meet Chang's number one, Joshua, a 4'10", 105-pound bucket of piss and zit cream. I cannot express to you how much I hate this kid. Now, beyond that dog sneeze in a pair of reeboks, you're gonna find a state-of-the-art keypad on the basement door.
- Troy Barnes: I love how binoculars make far away things seem like they're close. They're like...
- Troy Barnes, Britta Perry: Telephones for your eyes.
- Murray: And the air-conditioning repair annex won't admit to any knowledge of what's going on. But the fact is, wherever there is air, we have eyes.
- Troy Barnes: Gross.
- Pierce Hawthorne: I do a great swami. Of course it works best with a cobra, but if you guys cut me a length of garden hose...
- Jeff Winger: Are we all forgetting that if we get caught on that campus, we go to jail? Do you know how long someone as sarcastic as I am would last in prison? *Such* a long time.
- Jeff Winger: You see? It's not the real Dean.
- Officer Cackowski: Of course. The head of security at Greendale Community College has kidnapped the Dean and replaced him with a deanel-ganger.
- Jeff Winger: Well, when you say it that way, it sounds ridiculous.
- Troy Barnes: Yeah, the word we used was doppel-deaner.
- Britta Perry: Look, I hate cops.
- [Everybody waits for her to continue, but she says nothing]
- Ben Chang: Thank you, everyone, for joining in my celebration. As many of you know, I ate my twin sister in utero. So on my birthday, I try to remember I'm a winner. This one's for you, Connie.
- [laughs manically]