- Francis Underwood: You see, Freddy believes that if a fridge falls off a minivan, you better swerve out of its way. I believe it's the fridge's job to swerve out of mine.
- Francis Underwood: It's so refreshing to work with someone who'll throw a saddle on a gift horse rather than look it in the mouth.
- Margaret Tilden: Two freshmen girls are moving into their dorm room together. One of them is from Georgia, one of them is from Connecticut. Girl from Connecticut is helping her mother put up curtains. Girl from Georgia turns to the girl from Connecticut and says, "Hi! Where y'all from?" Girl from Connecticut says "We're from a place where we know not to end a sentence with a preposition. Girl from Georgia says, "Oh, beg my pardon. Where ya'll from, cunt."
- Francis Underwood: [ending a bathroom squabble] I know you take a lot of pride in your manhood, Bob, it's impressive. But as big as it is, Linda can still shut the door on it.