- Tracy Jordan: I finally understand the ending of The Sixth Sense. Those names are the people who worked on the movie!
- Jack Donaghy: I think that this school has done everything it can for Kaylie, but the only fitting punishment... is expulsion!
- Dr. Melvoin: It's days like this that remind me why I got into teaching in the first place.
- Liz Lemon: Kenneth, you can do this job, and I do respect you.
- Kenneth Parcell: Then wash my feet with your hair.
- Liz Lemon: No! But I did completely rewrite the show. We're not even using the word "dingbat," Mr. Parcell.
- Kenneth Parcell: A Parcell man has never been called "mister" outside of an execution chamber.
- Dr. Melvoin: [at parent-teacher conference] I'm sorry, how are you related to Miss Hooper?
- Jack Donaghy: I'm her nemesis.
- Liz Lemon: Do you have a second, Kenneth?
- Kenneth Parcell: [nervously] No, there's only one of me... What? What are you asking?