- Luke Dunphy: Ugh! It smells like puke married poop and had the ceremony in my nose.
- Manny Delgado: You paint with words.
- Phil Dunphy: I'd heard rumors. Yeah, we all had, that females living or working in close quarters could eventually get on the same... cycle. But I always assumed that was a story designed to keep women out of the submarine corps.
- Phil Dunphy: It happened - Satan's trifecta. The day I most dreaded had fallen on the day I most loved.
- Claire Dunphy: Phil! Is this what you've been teaching our son? That-that women are some kind of unclean lepers that should be hidden under sheets for a week? Do you have any idea how offensive that is?
- Phil Dunphy: I do, honey, and from the bottom of my heart I am so... scared.
- Mitchell Pritchett: I totally missed the connection. A month after the most devastating twister to ever hit Cam's hometown, I throw a party based on gay cinema's most famous tornado.
- Phil Dunphy: Yeah, I made a mistake today, but only because the three of you ganged up on me, like when the Wolfman, Dracula and Frankenstein show up in the same movie, except this wasn't awesome!
- Mitchell Pritchett: I'd been trying so hard to figure out what Cam wanted for his birthday. He'd been telling me all along - he wanted to be 10.
- Mitchell Pritchett: Okay, Birthday Boy, what's it gonna be - rom com or horror? Or we can do both and watch Maid In Manhattan. Whatcha doing?
- Cameron Tucker: [Dialing the phone] Canceling our baby.