- Liz Lemon: [sobbing while watching TV] "P. S. I Love You" is so sad! No one should have to be married to Gerard Butler! Or Hilary Swank!
- Tracy Jordan: Let's get outta here, Maroney. The sight of these people, plus the crayons I ate earlier, make me sick.
- Kenneth Parcell: I guess I signed off on a script where an Asian character refers to "Rindsey Rohan" posing for "Prayboy". But I know that's very offensive, especially because Asians are under-represented on this network.
- Roy: [Asian-American interrupts] Exactly. If there are more actors of Asian descent...
- Bradley Tarkin Jr.: Shut up! Just shut up, Roy! I am talking to Kenneth.
- Kenneth Parcell: I'm dealing with something! No one wants to hear from you.
- Liz Lemon: I can't be your girlfriend 'cause I'm not an old pedophile.
- Lynn Onkman: We prefer the term adultaphobe.
- Jack Donaghy: Kenneth, since you've left the page program, finding you a new position here has been one of the most difficult challenges of my career. And I'm including making it through the '80s without having sex with Belinda Carlisle.
- Kenneth Parcell: I know, sir. But I just can't work in ad sales. We have far too many sponsors that make housework easier for women.
- Lynn Onkman: Do you have any idea what I've been through for love? Public humiliation. Johnny Carson in his monologue said I was looking at 20 years, but I'd probably be more attracted to 12. I mean, that's an OK joke, but it hurt.
- Kenneth Parcell: That's awfully paranoid.
- Jack Donaghy: Exactly. "Paranoid," from the Greek "para" meaning "beside," and "noid," which is some sort of a... pizza demon? No, that can't be right.
- Kenneth Parcell: He's trying to get me fired. What do I do? Pray for a body switch mix-up so we can see the world from each other's perspectives?
- Jack Donaghy: No. You destroy him. With this. I did some research. And unlike what he wrote on his application, Bradley never graduated from Syracuse. He's four credits shy of a degree in bro studies. You slip this transcript under your manager's door, and he's fired.
- Frank Rossitano: You were right, Liz. Lying to my mom was stressing me out. I mean, I haven't gained weight in months. It wasn't worth it.