- Mitchell Pritchett: I am so glad I talked to Alex, because she agreed with everything single thing I was feeling - which made me realize that I was acting like a 14-year-old girl.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: I'm not gonna let Manny take off with Javier by himself. Once, when Manny was six, Javier took him to the petting zoo. Which later, I found out that was the name of the stripper club. A real petting zoo would have been cleaner.
- Cameron Tucker: This award has changed you, Mitchell. You may be flying high now, but pretty soon, you're gonna be free falling', Tom Petty. Because you're petty. Tom Petty. Hmm? Get it?
- Mitchell Pritchett: About three sentences ago.
- Alex Dunphy: I didn't wanna ruin their moment by telling them how many awards I've gotten, but let's just say I don't get out of bed for a trophy that size.
- Mitchell Pritchett: Mine is a distinguished professional award given to me by my peers, and yours was given to you on a pier!
- Claire Dunphy: I can assure you, you are perfectly fine.
- Phil Dunphy: That's very comforting coming from a marketing major at a party school.
- Haley Dunphy: Why do I even need to learn Spanish? I live in California. I'm never gonna use it.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: That's the problem with Americans! They expect all of us to know their language, but they don't even make the effort to learn ours!
- Walt Kleezak: Win a war sometime; then we'll start talking like you.