Freak Out (2003)

Buford Stowers: David

Quotes 

• David : That is one small motherfucking dick.

• David : What are you gonna do to him, Dean?

  Dean : Glad you asked me that, David. Alright, now here's the thing. I'm looking at these tools over there, okay? I'm thinking originality is the key to torture. If it's not original, all you do is, just, you're assaulting a quick death, and that, my friends, just pisses off your victims.

  [Corkscrew moans] 

  David : Good point.

  [Dean puts on his surgeon's mask] 

  Dean : How old? Looks pretty young.

  David : I'm not sure.

  Wayne : He looks like a teenager.

  Dean : Good one, Wayne. He does look like a teenager. Now the question is, is whether or not he's a man, and there's only one way to find that out.

  David : You don't want me to pull out his dick, do you?

  Dean : No, I want Wayne to pull out his dick.

  [Dean and David laugh as Wayne reveals Corkscrew's penis] 

  David : That is one small motherfucking dick.

  Dean : Alright, now let's give him a break, okay? Now the thing is about penises, when it's unerect, really, the only way you can decide if, uh, if it's, uh, what length it gets to is not by the size of it, okay? It's by the loose skin that hangs around the sides. Now, a penis can be erect, and be like maybe ten, twelve inches. It could still feasibly be only, only about like an inch, but would have that ring of loose skin hanging around it

  David : Alright, alright. So how much loose skin is there?

  Dean : Not much. Not much, really. I say this probably gets to about, uh, three, not three. Maybe five, six inches erect. That's not good.

  Wayne : Isn't that average?

  Dean : Whoever said average is a suitable size for a dick is still a virgin.

  [puts on surgeon's mask and prepares corkscrew] 

  Dean : Alright, hold it up.

  [Corkscrew starts to grumble in worry]