- Sheldon Cooper: [hearing Amy singing] She sounds weepy. I don't like weepy.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Hey, wait. Amy is your friend. Step up.
- [knock knock knock]
- Leonard Hofstadter: Amy.
- [knock knock knock]
- Leonard Hofstadter: Amy.
- [knock knock knock]
- Leonard Hofstadter: Amy. See you.
- Sheldon Cooper: [Leonard turns to leave] Wait, where are you going?
- Leonard Hofstadter: I'm single; I don't need this crap.
- Sheldon Cooper: Ladies, please. These four walls once housed an intellectual salon where the mind received nourishment as well as the stomach. But through no one's fault... Penny... the quality of dinner conversation in this apartment has declined. And again, I'm looking at no one in particular... Penny.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Proposal: one wild night of torrid lovemaking that soothes my soul and inflames my loins.
- Sheldon Cooper: Counter-proposal: I will gently stroke your head and repeat "Aww, who's a good Amy?"
- Amy Farrah Fowler: How about this? French kissing. Seven minutes in heaven, culminating in second base.
- Sheldon Cooper: Neck massage, then you get me that beverage.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: We cuddle. Final offer.
- Sheldon Cooper: Very well.
- Sheldon Cooper: [outraged] The two of you need to get your women in line!
- Leonard Hofstadter: What?
- Sheldon Cooper: Last night, I was strong armed into an evening of harp music and spooning with an emotional Amy Farrah Fowler, this on a night that I had originally designated for solving the space time geometry in higher spin gravity and building my Lego Death Star. And why? Your gal pals Penny and Bernadette went out shopping for some wedding nonsense without Amy, an action they took with no thought or regard as to how it would affect me, the future of string theory, or my Lego fun time!
- Howard Wolowitz: What do you want us to do about it?
- Sheldon Cooper: You clearly weren't listening to my topic sentence: Get your women in line! You make them apologize to Amy and set things right! I am a man of science, not someone's snuggle bunny!
- Leonard Hofstadter: Why do I have to talk to Penny? She's not my girlfriend.
- Sheldon Cooper: You invited her to lunch four years ago. Everything about her is on you, you make it so!
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon! What would it take for you to go into that liquor store, buy a bottle of hooch, take me across the street to that motel and have your way with me?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah, Sheldon, what would it take?
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm begging both of you, please, let's go!
- Amy Farrah Fowler: [Dissecting a brain] Yay, brain tumor! Probably not the same reaction you had when you got the news.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Look at this brain.
- Penny: [Turning away] I don't really want to.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: This is us. Bernadette, you are the analytical, scientific left hemisphere. Penny, you're the creative, spontaneous right hemisphere. And where's Amy? She's right here. The sad little tumor no-one wants to go dress shopping with.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Amy, you're not a tumor. Penny, tell her she's not a tumor, huh.
- [Penny vomits into a waste basket]
- Amy Farrah Fowler: What do you want? Do you want me to give the friendship bracelet back?
- Penny: I never gave you a friendship bracelet.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: When we first met, I made one and pretended you gave it to me; you can have it back if you want.
- Penny: No, you made that for you. I want you to have it.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Hey, Cuddles!
- Leonard Hofstadter: Cuddles?
- Sheldon Cooper: Yes, Cuddles. We cuddled. Grow up, Leonard.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Fine. What would you like to talk about, Sheldon?
- Howard Wolowitz: "What would you like to talk about, Sheldon?" Why do you hate us?
- Leonard Hofstadter: [listening to Sheldon ramble] Amy, how long would it take that mad cow disease to kill me?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Four or five years.
- Leonard Hofstadter: [considering it] Nope, not gonna do it.
- [first lines]
- Penny: Bernadette, how goes the hunt for bridesmaid dresses?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Well, if you don't mind looking like an orange traffic cone, great.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: [entering] Girlfriends, I have the answer to our dress problems.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Really?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Twelve years ago, my cousin, Irene, and her entire family died in a horrific carbon monoxide accident the night before her wedding.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: That's horrible!
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Yes and no. All those bridesmaids dresses remain unused and available to us for free. So it seems that cloud of odorless deadly gas had a silver lining after all. Check it out; still in the bags - the gowns, not the bridesmaids.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: I don't know; dead people's dresses?
- Penny: Yeah, and cap sleeves? Uh-unn...
- Sheldon Cooper: I can't seem to get in touch with Amy! I tried e-mail, video chat, tweeting her, posting on her Facebook wall, texting her... Nothing!
- Leonard Hofstadter: D'you try calling her on the telephone?
- Sheldon Cooper: The telephone...!
- [pauses]
- Sheldon Cooper: Y'know... Leonard, in your own simple way, you may be the wisest of us all.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Amy, we're really sorry.
- Penny: Yeah, we feel awful.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Don't. I'll be okay. You're not the first girls I thought were friends with me who ended up shunning me. It's like elementary school, junior high, high school, undergrad, grad school and that semester abroad in Norway all over again.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Wait for moi.
- Sheldon Cooper: You're leaving?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon, sometimes you forget. I'm a lady, and with that comes an estrogen-fueled need to page through thick, glossy magazines that make me hate my body.
- Sheldon Cooper: [Phone rings] Did you know that when Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he proposed answering it with "Ahoy?"
- [Answers phone]
- Sheldon Cooper: Ahoy? I like it.
- Sheldon Cooper: It would seem Amy is drunk in a liquor store parking lot.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Really? Amy?
- Sheldon Cooper: Leonard, be glad you can't keep a woman; they are a handful.
- [Talking to Amy]
- Sheldon Cooper: Would you like to talk about it? And keep in mind that no is a perfectly viable answer.
- [last lines]
- [Amy is filming them trying on the dresses]
- Amy Farrah Fowler: C'mon, Bestie, you're up.
- Penny: Gimme a minute.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: What is taking you so long.
- [Amy opens dressing room door]
- Penny: Oh! Amy, get the hell out of here.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Sorry. Sorry.
- Penny: Oh God.
- [Amy swings the camera back on Penny again]
- Penny: Amy!
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Sorry.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Wait, Sheldon, what would it take for you to go into that liquor store, buy a bottle of hooch, and take me across the steet to that motel and have your way with me?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah Sheldon, what would it take?
- Sheldon: I'm begging both of you, let's go.