- Luke Dunphy: I'm not an idiot; I knew what they were up to. But I've been wanting to move for awhile. There's a line of ants going to a trick-or-treat bag in my closet, and I don't want to still be there when they get tired of candy.
- Mitchell Pritchett: Oh come on. You have to admit you do coddle her.
- Cameron Tucker: I will not apologize for loving our daughter.
- Mitchell Pritchett: I'm not criticizing.
- [Cam stares]
- Mitchell Pritchett: I'm not *only* criticizing. But we did talk about giving Lily a little more independence.
- Cameron Tucker: Yeah, which is why we put her in preschool.
- Mitchell Pritchett: Yes, but you can't bear to leave her there. You always pick her up early.
- Cameron Tucker: That is ridiculous.
- Mitchell Pritchett: Okay, okay. Lily, honey, did Daddy pick you up early from preschool today?
- Lily Tucker-Pritchett: No.
- Cameron Tucker: Case closed.
- Lily Tucker-Pritchett: We didn't go.
- Mitchell Pritchett: Case opened.
- Lily Tucker-Pritchett: We went shopping.
- Cameron Tucker: That's enough.
- Lily Tucker-Pritchett: We bought matchy hats.
- Cameron Tucker: [Picks her up] You are going to your room.
- Mitchell Pritchett: You're *both* going to her room!
- Luke Dunphy: [to Cameron and Mitchell] Hey, do you guys have any old furniture? I'm moving into the attic.
- Mitchell Pritchett: The attic?
- Luke Dunphy: Hey, at least it's big. Grandpa said you used to live in the closet.
- Cameron Tucker: Oh, okay. Well, you know what? Yeah, we'll absolutely find you something for sure, okay?
- Lily Tucker-Pritchett: [pushing Luke away from Cameron] My daddy!
- Mitchell Pritchett: Lily, no! I'm sorry, Luke.
- Luke Dunphy: [staring daggers at Lily] This isn't over.
- Cameron Tucker: Oh, my God, Mitchell. She's getting worse. I have turned her into a pushy little entitled monster on her way to a rap sheet and a bracelet on her ankle.
- [Gasps]
- Cameron Tucker: Oh, she has a bracelet on her ankle!
- Cameron Tucker: [about Lily dressing herself] She looks like she was dipped in glue and dragged through a flea market.
- Phil Dunphy: Your word against mine. Guess it's just one of those things we'll never know, like what really happened to the Titanic.
- Claire Dunphy: It hit an iceberg.
- Phil Dunphy: Maybe.
- Mitchell Pritchett: [Cameron is waving sparklers in front of a banner reading "It's Gonna Be a Boy" while "Let's Hear It For The Boy" plays on the tape player] Okay, just to be clear, *this* is low-key?
- Cameron Tucker: It's a banner and just some light musical accompaniment, Mitchell. I don't have a lower key.
- Mitchell Pritchett: We are having a slight issue getting Lily on board with the adoption. "I hate the baby."
- Cameron Tucker: "No new baby."
- Mitchell Pritchett: "I wanna make the baby dead."
- Cameron Tucker: I thought we weren't gonna share that one.
- Claire Dunphy: Sweetheart, I would love to be wrong. I just don't live with the right people for that.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: Stop grilling him. First the principal, now you. This poor boy has been screamed at all day.
- Manny Delgado: Well, not to mention...
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: Quiet! I got this.
- Claire Dunphy: You should all be sucking it right now.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: Hey, please stop with the 'sucking it', Claire. They're children!