- Jess: I'm gonna cry, too, and where am I supposed to cry? You can't monopolize the... bathroom crying space.
- Nick: I'm not good at being a boyfriend. I'm good at being that guy you find yourself spending more and more time with until you meet your husband.
- Jess: I brake for birds. I rock a lot of polka dots. I have touched glitter in the last 24 hours. I spend my entire day talking to children. And I find it fundamentally strange that you're not a dessert person. That's just weird, and it freaks me out. And I'm sorry I don't talk like Murphy Brown. And I hate your pantsuit. I wish it had ribbons on it or something to make it just slightly cuter. And that doesn't mean I'm not smart and tough and strong.
- Sadie: [to Schmidt] Did you just hear the words 'lesbian community' and come running out of your room?
- Julia: I had to start carrying hot athletic shoes in my purse, because I have to sprint from one sexual encounter to another.