Kyle Kallgren: Oancitizen

Quotes 

• Oancitizen : [about Harmony Korine]  If your innocence is still intact, you probably don't know who this mousey twerp is.

• Oancitizen : You're probably wondering what Trash Humpers is about. Well, you know how Cats was about cats?

• Oancitizen : Plot? HA! Character? HA! There is only Trash Humpers, a film which dares to make the return to that wonderful aesthetic called... oh, what's the phrase? Shot on shitteo.

• Oancitizen : Wow. Duchamp's Urinal be damned, we have found the epitome of shit being passed off as art.

• Oancitizen : You're probably wondering why there is no image here. You see, I removed the image for this review. Why? Well, that's because in this scene, the cameraman starts singing this little song. Yeah, that. Three Little Devils and such, and the image Korine decides to show is a naked dead body in a ditch. And as far as I can tell, it does not look fake. Now, I may subject you to all kinds of cruel images, but I promise you, I will never show you a real dead body, because I love you, and Harmony Korine doesn't.

• Oancitizen : [reading Korine's explanation of this movie]  "They do horrible things, but I never really viewed them as sad characters. They're comedic, with a vaudevillain horror element to what they do. They're having a great time." Yes, Harmony, but there's something they would have taught you at NYU's Tisch School of the Arts, had you gone there for more than one semester: just because you're having a good time doesn't mean we're having a good time!

• Oancitizen : Oh great, blood on a pair of children's shoes. Now I'm convinced they've killed some child. It might have been Drew Carey, I'm not sure.

• Oancitizen : [imitating one of the characters who just told a bad joke]  So this idiot made a movie about people that society rightly rejected on a really old VHS camera, and he sold it, and people think he's some sort of visionary.

• Oancitizen : I keep expecting one of them to launch into a 90 minute Star Wars review.

  [cut to scene from Phantom Menace; doing half-assed impression of Mr. Plinkett] 

  Oancitizen : Oh my God, what is wrong with your face?

• Oancitizen : What was Korine thinking when he shot... oh, wait a second. That's the cameraman. Korine shot... that's Korine in a mask! Listen, Korine, if I ever meet you in real life, I will end you. I will take apart your camera and feed it to you. You will suffer, I swear to God. Our words are backed with nuclear weapons...

  [blubbers] 

• Oancitizen : So this is how we're going to end it: kidnaping a child. A child who will now be taught how to wander the streets, shoving its pelvis against every piece of fith he can find. Assuming the baby survives being dragged by a bicycle and being smashed with a hammer. I'd tell this movie to eat my shit, but I'm afraid it might actually be into that sort of thing.

• Oancitizen : This is disgusting. This is like walking through a town wearing contact lenses made of gelled feces.

• Oancitizen : Ken Park was depraved, but it's unfathomable considering the possibility that Larry Clark was holding Harmony Korine back!

• Oancitizen : [about Harmony Korine]  Ladies and Gentlemen, the face of the American Avant Garde.

• Oancitizen : He's done his own solo work, in addition to writing scripts for some other weird indie films, such as Kids and...

  [poster of Ken Park] 

  Oancitizen : Audience, you've been warned.

• Oancitizen : But whatever the hell they are, they just spend their time standing around parking lots, humping trash, and smashing the occasional television and... wait, he kept the auto tracking signal in there? He not only shot the film on the worst format possible, he left the VHS recording effects in for everyone to see. Wow.

• Oancitizen : Did the camera man just growl at a black guy? Sure, why not throw a little covert racism in there?

• Oancitizen : Well, if these guys are trying to poison their food, I am suddenly behind them. But no, the pancakes aren't poison, it was just a set up to show these guys eating pancakes covered in dish washing soap, because... we really needed to see that.

• Oancitizen : [about Harmony Korine]  He is also built from industrial-strength awkward.

• Oancitizen : Don't go overboard on those head exercises. Your neck might get red.

• Herve : Dayum, y'all killed this dude.

  Oancitizen : SURE, throw a little casual murder on there! And yes, I know that earlier I said I would never show you a dead body, but at least I'm pretty sure they didn't actually kill the actor here. They just threw some Ragu on him while he was asleep and started filming themselves dancing over him.

• Oancitizen : Harmony Korine is such a vile, gut-churningly bad filmmaker that he almost approaches genius from the opposite direction. Everything about Trash Humpers is a nightmarish collection of ugly images that burroughs into your skin like scabies.

• Oancitizen : But as ugly as everything is, this isn't the kind of bad that you can ignore. This is the kind of bad movie that shows up as a plot point in Japanese horror movies. And once you see it, those images are with you forever. They just stay buried in your subconscious until eventually they burrough out and... dammit, I need to eat something.

• Oancitizen : [in bed with his trash can]  My God.