Kyle Kallgren: Oancitizen

Quotes 

• Oancitizen : And of course, the film ends with Pinocchio no longer a puppet. He's a real 50-year-old man pretending to be a boy.

• Oancitizen : He arrives at the blue fairy's tombstone. She died of grief, because for some reason she cared about this demon-spawn in pink jammies.

  Pinocchio : Fairy, how do you become dead? I wanna be dead too!

  Oancitizen : [holds up knife]  I can help you with that!

• Oancitizen : When I am dead, the man who greets me at the gates of Hell will be a thin, hyperactive Italian going "I'm a fish, gloog, gloog."

• [repeated line] 

  Oancitizen : Hate!

• Oancitizen : It's a world of finals clubs, insider trading, and mountains of cocaine. It will stay that way as long as you keep the coloreds out.

  [winks] 

  Oancitizen : Now let me tell you about the Fuck Truck...

• Oancitizen : You know, this might not be the most "artistic" thing I've done, unless contrived, soul-crushing whimsy is considered avant garde.

• Oancitizen : There is a big difference between adults acting like children, and adults acting like complete twits. And that will be a major theme of the review.

• Oancitizen : And for some reason beyond my comprehension, the blue fairy wants him to live.

• Oancitizen : Who did his voice anyway? Breckin Meyer? I refuse to comment.

  Pinocchio : [to cricket]  Be quiet, will you? Anybody ever told you your voice is really annoying?

  Oancitizen : HIS voice is really annoying?

• Oancitizen : Stop prancing! You're old enough to be my father.

• Oancitizen : I don't know what's he watching, but any play that has the line did you steal the salami? has to be worthy of an NEA grant

• Oancitizen : Hooray, the plague has arrived