- Wilfred: He's just giving constructive criticism! Don't take it personally.
- Ryan Newman: Well, it doesn't get more personal than I "play bass like busted vagina".
- Ryan Newman: [on the phone] Kristen, you gotta stop these secret ninja food drops. We need to talk before things get weird.
- [Wilfred shows up from under him and he stumbles into the fridge]
- Ryan Newman: Weirder.
- Jenna Mueller: This is my friend Ryan.
- Darryl: And this must be Wilfred! Hi, Wilfred! Huh-huh! What is he?
- Ryan Newman: Good question.
- Ryan Newman: Crap! I'm out of gas.
- Kristen Newman: You're kidding.
- Ryan Newman: [laughs] Yeah! I'm kidding.
- Kristen Newman: Don't tease me! When I get stressed, my ankle hurts.
- Ryan Newman: Is that why they call it a stress fracture?
- Ryan Newman: All week long I've been clicking this and giving you a treat every time you sat down. Now I don't even have to give you a treat and you still sit down.
- Wilfred: I have to hand it to you, Ryan... You humans do possess the superior intellect.