How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)
The Best Man (2011)
Neil Patrick Harris: Barney Stinson
Photos
Quotes
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Barney Stinson : What do you think of this tie?
Ted Mosby : Ohh, thank God. Barney needs you right before his wedding, you assume there's at least one dead hooker in the closet.
[laughs and discretely checks the closet]
Barney Stinson : [Holds up another tie] Is this one better?
Ted Mosby : Look, the tie is great, and it's perfectly normal to have some pre-wedding jitters.
Barney Stinson : I'm not having jitters. It just occurs to me that once I put this tie on I can never take it off. I have to wear this tie forever, and ever. And sure, this tie is skinny now, but what happens if it gets fat and starts bossing me around? Did I make a mistake, would I have been happier with the other tie?
[pause]
Barney Stinson : Ted, can I tell you a big secret?
Ted Mosby : Of course.
Barney Stinson : I'm not really talking about the tie.
Ted Mosby : Yeah, I got that, buddy.
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Barney Stinson : [Having failed a play on a girl, Barney tries some 'customer feedback'] Wait, before you go, please answer the following survey so I could better bang you in the future. What didn't work for you about this play? Did you A. not believe that I was a Guinness Book World Record holder, or B. did the fingernails gross you out?
[shows long fingernails]
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Narrator : We all headed to my hometown where we planned to celebrate Punchy's big day. Uncle Barney had different plans.
Barney Stinson : Get ready Cleveland. The last man to screw you this hard and then disappear was LeBron James.
Robin Scherbatsky : You're trying to get laid *here*? Oh Barney, tonight's a magical night between Ted's annoying friend and What's-her-face. have some respect.
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Barney Stinson : Here's your toast, single file ladies! No fatties!
Ted Mosby : That's ridiculous!
Barney Stinson : Yeah you're right, it's Cleveland. Single file ladies!
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Barney Stinson : What if this whole this is a disaster? What if this is the worst wedding ever?
Ted Mosby : Not possible. We've already been to the worst wedding ever.
Barney Stinson : Punchy's wedding.
Ted Mosby : [laughs] Marshall really took a two-flusher to that one
[him and Barney laugh]
Narrator : The story of how Uncle Marshall ruined my friend Punchy's wedding, starts in September, 2011...
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Ted Mosby : [Talking about Punchy's wedding] No wedding will ever, ever be as bad as that one.
Barney Stinson : I picked the right tie didn't I?
Ted Mosby : You nailed it. And hey, just be glad it's not the ducky tie.
Narrator : Oooh, the ducky tie. That's a good story kids, I'll get to that. Man, we are not even close to the end.