New Tricks (TV Series)

Old Fossils (2011)

Dennis Waterman: Gerry Standing

Quotes 

• Gerry Standing : Excuse my ignorance but what does the keeper of paleontology actualy do?

  Brian Lane : Oh, a very important job, Gerry. He's responsible for a world class collection of fossils.

  Superintendent Sandra Pullman : Just like me.

• [Gerry and Brian are about to break into Gerry's ex-wife's house so Gerry can retrieve what he thinks is a valuable fossil] 

  Brian Lane : You can't just walk into someone's house in the middle of the night when they're away. Gerry, this is illegal entry.

  Gerry Standing : [smirking]  All my wives have said that to me at one time or another!

• [Brian and Gerry are chasing Mark Slater around the laboratory. When it looks as if Mark will escape, Brian takes a holdall from Barry Drake and skims it along the floor as if it was a bowling ball, causing Mark to trip over it and fall] 

  Gerry Standing : Strike!

• [last lines] 

  [Gerry has asked Madeleine Simmonds to identify a fossil that he has "borrowed" from one of his ex-wives, hoping that it will be worth a lot of money] 

  Madeleine Simmonds : It's coprolite.

  Madeleine Simmonds : [excited]  Is it?

  Brian Lane : Coprolite.

  Gerry Standing : Yeah, I own a coprolite. So between ourselves, could you give me a rough, ball-park figure of what I might hope to get for it?

  Madeleine Simmonds : Well, someone with a scatological sense of humour might offer you a few quid to have it as a conversation piece.

  Gerry Standing : [horrified]  A few quid? But it's thousands of years old!

  Madeleine Simmonds : Oh yes, it's old all right, but it's not all that uncommon. Coprolite is fossilised animal dung.

  Gerry Standing : Shit!

  Madeleine Simmonds : Precisely.

  Gerry Standing : I don't want it.

  [Gerry hands the coprolite to Brian who sniffs it] 

• [first lines] 

  Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman : [Brian opens a storage locker]  Brian!

  Jack Halford : Well, say what you like about Bob Ruxton, but he never kept you waiting.

  Brian Lane : Aye, he was a good man. Always had time for a chat.

  Gerry Standing : And he always pulled the rounds. The nights I've been on the hit-and-miss with Doc Ruxton...

  Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman : Yeah, well, that kind of behaviour might account for his having been suspended, mightn't it?

  Jack Halford : It's a hard thing for a man to be publicly pilloried after a long and distinguished career.

  Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman : He's not being pilloried, Jack. He's facing charges of negligence and incompetence.

  Brian Lane : Nobody's perfect, Sandra.

• Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman : I'll fix us up a meeting with the Keeper of Palaeontology, who's the head of Fletcher's old department.

  Gerry Standing : Excuse my ignorance, but what does the Keeper of Palaeontology actually do?

  Brian Lane : Oh, a very important job, Jerry. He's responsible for a world-class collection of fossils.

  Det.Supt.Sandra Pullman : [mutters]  Just like me.