Two and a Half Men (TV Series)
Thank You for the Intercourse (2011)
Jon Cryer: Alan Harper
Photos
Quotes
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Alan Harper : Man, I couldn't score a women like that even if my semen cured cancer.
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Jake Harper : Uncle Charlie never treated me like a stupid kid.
Alan : That's nice.
Jake Harper : He treated me more like a stupid person.
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Melanie : Is this your house?
Alan Harper : Not exactly.
Melanie : What do you mean?
Alan Harper : I mean, after we fall in love and get married, it'll be our house.
Melanie : Wow, you don't waste time, do you?
Alan Harper : No. When I see what I want, I get right to the BS.
Melanie : I'm Melanie. Melanie Hofland.
Alan Harper : Oh. Nice to meet you, Melanie. I'm...
[pauses]
Alan Harper : Charlie. Charlie Harper.
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Berta : [about Melanie and her dog] Which one did you tap?
Alan Harper : I'll give you a hint. I didn't do the dog peoplestyle.
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Alan Harper : Winning!
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Alan Harper : I didn't do the dog people-style.
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Alan Harper : Let me just get Charlie's personal stuff out of here. Oh, here is some of his unfinished music. Um... panties. Panties... Panties... Waterpipe... Oh, vibrator.
Walden Schmidt : So we're talking songs, thongs, bongs and chauns.
Alan Harper : If he had an autobiography, that would be the title.
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Walden Schmidt : [about the bartender] She's nice.
Alan Harper : To you, sure. You're living in the world of nice.
Walden Schmidt : That's because I'm nice to people and they're nice back to me.
Alan Harper : No, it's because you're tall, rich and good looking.
Walden Schmidt : And nice!
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Walden Schmidt : Hey, you remember that shrink you sent me to? Maybe you should go see her.
Alan Harper : What for? I'm fine.
Walden Schmidt : What's your name?
Alan Harper : Charlie Harper.
Walden Schmidt : You're not fine.
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Alan : I'll give you a hint, I didn't do the dog people style.