- Jay Pritchett: [answering his phone] Hello? She's not with me, Cam. I got her phone. Why are you crying? How do you get kicked out of a bakery? Well, that'll do it.
- Cameron Tucker: I'm sorry to ask you to get your own birthday cake, but I can't get ahold of any-anyone else.
- Jay Pritchett: Can't do it. I'm on my way to the lake, finally. Just get something at the grocery store.
- Cameron Tucker: I am not getting you a grocery store cake!
- [Starting to panic]
- Cameron Tucker: Gloria asked me to handle this. She's gonna yell at me, Jay. She can be mean in Spanish!
- Mitchell Pritchett: [as Claire hops a fence into their old backyard] Let's just wait for them to come home! Okay, that-that's trespassing.
- Claire Dunphy: No it's not. We used to live here.
- Mitchell Pritchett: I don't think that does what you think it does.
- Mitchell Pritchett: [after Claire uncorks a bottle of wine with her teeth and a shoe] Whoa. Where did you learn to do that?
- Claire Dunphy: Where did you get a sailor's suit on short notice?
- Mitchell Pritchett: Fair enough.
- [Picks up bottle]
- Mitchell Pritchett: Ew. It's Merlot.
- Phil Dunphy: [after he's seen with Gloria and are mistaken for husband and wife] I didn't think anything of it, until other people started making the same mistake. It reminded me of a college job I had parking cars. One day I had to park an Aston Martin. I'll never forget the looks I got driving that baby down the block, and I wasn't gonna dent this one.
- Cameron Tucker: And you know what? I wouldn't worry too much. She's gonna like you even if sports aren't your thing.
- Manny Delgado: Aren't my thing? I have a tennis racket upstairs I only use as a bubble bath frother.
- Claire Dunphy: Come on, girls. TV off. It's your grandfather's birthday. We gotta start taking this seriously.
- Mitchell Pritchett: [Wearing a sailor suit] Permission to come aboard.
- Cameron Tucker: So, what's her name?
- Manny Delgado: How'd you know?
- Cameron Tucker: Well, you're pretending to be something you're not. Boys do that for girls... or really dreamy boys.
- Glen Whipple: I just always assumed you would marry Claire Pritchett.
- Phil Dunphy: You remember Claire?
- Glen Whipple: Are you kidding? She was gorgeous. God, I was so jealous of you back then.
- Phil Dunphy: You were jealous of me?
- Glen Whipple: Oh man. Claire Pritchett, with the blonde hair and those brown eyes. Great smile. Oh, I can picture her smiling right now.
- Phil Dunphy: I can't.
- Glen Whipple: I wonder who landed her? Lucky son of a bitch.
- Phil Dunphy: Yeah.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: So, that's really going to be your day? You're going fishing?
- Jay Pritchett: With time out for a former lunch. Sausage of the Month Club really nailed it in May. But honey, no offense, they almost lost me last month with that chorizo.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: Why no offense? It's a sausage; it's not on our flag.
- Luke Dunphy: Well, let me work my magic. It's all about creative editing. Just give me two hours, and another hour. Someone get me some chocolate milk - with extra salt.